Small Town Misfit

Rio Grande, NM
4:51 p.m. — Police took a report from a man who complained that his next door neighbors broke his gas cap and were next door giving him the finger.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Lakewood, OH
Police were called to a Larchwood home July 12 because two sisters, ages 17 and 20, were arguing over a pair of shorts.

The argument then escalated into a shoving match and the girls’ father tried to step in to stop the fight.

The younger daughter told police she didn’t like living at home, but police told the girl she had to follow the rules set by her parents until she is 18.

Found in the News Sun

Rio Grande, NM
2:10 p.m. — A Salazar Dodge employee called asking for help with a customer who was trying to leave without paying a $2,700 bill. The caller had closed the gate on the customer to keep him from leaving, but he was trying to ram it. Police advised the employee to file a civil complaint.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Chattanooga, TN
A woman said a man she knows only as “Chuck” stole $21 from her bra, then slugged her in the face and kicked her in the head.

June Willoughby said she had been driving a prostitute named “Brandy” around to customers. Ms. Willoughby said she is a former prostitute who now gets a cut of the money by driving them.

Ms. willoughby said her boyfriend’s van broke down, and afterwards Ann Russell let her lie down on her couch on Seventh Avenue.

She said Chuck had helped with the van and he demanded money, but she told him she did not have any. She said he proceeded to reach inside her shirt, taking $20 from one cup and $1 from the other.

She said he hit her in the face several times, then kicked her.

He kept the $20, but threw the $1 down.

She was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

Ms. Willoughby said Chuck left in an older-model green SUV.

Found in the Chattanoogan

Goleta Valley, CA
Unaware of the racy artwork on his face, a pedestrian with a penis painted on his cheek stopped a moving vehicle, asking for directions, as he stumbled along Cervantes Road in Isla Vista. Concerned for his wellbeing, the driver alerted deputies nearby of the inebriated man’s condition and whereabouts.

Deputies easily spotted the subject, who also had the word “cock” scrawled on his forehead, staggering dangerously close to moving traffic at 3 a.m. Evidently unable to care for himself, the 22-year-old was arrested for public intoxication. Still unaware of his artwork, the young man reassured deputies, time and time again, he had not passed-out at a party earlier in the evening.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Painesville, OH
A judge known for giving unusual sentences has ordered three men who pleaded guilty to soliciting sex to take turns dressing in a bright yellow chicken costume.

Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti agreed to suspend a 30-day jail sentence if they wear the costume between 4 and 7 p.m. Friday outside the court while carrying a sign that reads “No Chicken Ranch in Painesville.”

The sign and costume refer to the “World Famous Chicken Ranch,” a prostitution house in Nevada where sex-for-money is legal.

Daniel Chapdelaine, 40, of Perry Township; Martin Soto, 44, of Ashtabula; and Fabian Rodriguez-Ramirez, 29, of Painesville, solicited sex from an undercover Painesville police officer earlier this summer.

Cicconetti has been known to use barnyard animals to dispense justice in the past.

He ordered a man who called a policeman a pig to stand next to a live pig in a pen and hold a sign that read “This Is Not a Police Officer.”

A couple who stole a baby Jesus statue from a manger were sentenced to dress as Mary and Joseph and walk with a donkey.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Thanks Luann!

Durango, CO
5:11 p.m. A diesel truck drove by a peace rally in the 1100 block of Main Avenue, and the driver spewed diesel fuel in people’s faces.

Found in the Durango Herald

Swoyersville, PA
Daryl Givens, of Poland Street, Swoyersville, reported Thursday someone threw eggs at his Delorean.

Found in the Wilkes-Barre Times Leader

Goleta Valley, CA
A driver stopped while driving in Goleta with an expired vehicle registration tab one recent afternoon was asked by deputies if he had a loaded firearm inside his vehicle.

“I don’t think so, but let me check,” he replied.

A car search uncovered a loaded Smith & Wesson concealed under the driver’s floor mat. The man explained how he’d gone target shooting “last January” and had forgotten about it.

The man, 40, who was arrested for possession of the concealed weapon and driving without a valid license, had also never registered the pistol.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Chadron, NE
1:28 p.m. Caller from the 100 block of Belle Fourche Ave. requested to speak to an officer about a hedge trimming problem he was having.

Found in the Chadron Record

Rio Grande, NM
10:45 p.m. — A Travelers Lodge caller reported a male suspect wielding a hammer. The suspect, a guest at the motel, told police arriving on the scene that there was someone under his bed. Subject was taken to the hospital to be detoxed.

Then…
2:19 a.m. — The hammer-wielding Travelers Lodge guest from July 6 called to report that there were “people outside messing with him and trying to get into his room.” When the officers arrived, the subject was still delusional, according to police dispatch logs. No report was taken.

Then…

3:34 a.m. — A Big Rock Casino caller said the Traveler’s Lodge man ran into the casino and said he was being chased by someone with a gun. He was taken back to the hospital.

Then…

6:39 a.m. — The Travelers Lodge man, who had been released from the hospital, called to say that he had trapped the person who has been following him all night in a mattress. Another guest at Travelers Lodge called to tell police that the man was throwing the mattress around in his room. The mattress was blocking the motel room doorway when police arrived. A report was taken for criminal damage to property, and the subject was taken in to protective custody.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Rio Grande, NM
12:18 p.m. — An anonymous caller asked that police speak to subjects in a neighboring mobile home about their noisy peacocks. No report was taken.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun