The Remorseful Pincher
Goleta Valley, CA
A young woman found in possession of a stolen bicycle on campus at UCSB wrote a heartfelt letter to the victim after being charged with petty theft.
A copy of the letter, also attached to the report, read: “To whom it may concern: I am personally writing to you, the owner of the bicycle to truly and sincerely apologize for the heartache that I have caused you. I, myself, have had a run with bike theft in my freshman year. I know the feeling of utter despair you must have felt … My pangs of regret and remorse run deep. I am sorry.â€
Found in the Goleta Valley Voice
October 24th, 2007 at 2:19 am
Dear bike owner,
I know it sucks to have to walk, which is why I took your bike.
I Appreciate it!
Yours truly,
NOT!!!!
October 24th, 2007 at 5:14 am
Dear Luckless Schmuck,
I am writing this at the behest of the arresting officer in hopes of favorable treatment come sentencing time. Yes, I took your bike, no I’m not sorry and yes I’ll take it again if I see it. Please feel free to go p*ss up a rope.
Yours Truly,
An Unrepentant Thief