Mail Order Suicide
Durango, CO
7:35 p.m. A man in the 2300 block of Main Avenue was threatening to commit suicide. A woman who knew the man said that he had ordered a suicide kit off the Internet.
Found in the Durango Herald
Small Town Misfit
A selection of police blots from small-town papers
April 7th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
Suicide kit? Is that anything like the Whizzinator?
April 7th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
It’s a zip gun with the barrel on backwards.
April 7th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Suicide Kit:
1 - Ashley Simpson Compact Discâ„¢
1 - DiscManâ„¢
1 - 4″ speaker system
2 - Rusty nails
Instructions - Connect wires according to diagram. Insert Ashley Simpson Compact Discâ„¢ into Discmanâ„¢. Press “play.” Apply rusty nails to eardrums, brain. Batteries not included.
April 7th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
I ordered the Deluxe Suicide Kit, which also included a wad of tinfoil to chew on while the nails do their job, and, for a quicker death, a photo of Paris Hilton with no shoes on.
April 7th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
Then there is the super delux kit that has all of the above but with Brittany Spears and Jessica Simpson thrown in just for good measure. If all of this does’nt make you want to do away with yourself you must already be dead.
April 7th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Not that this has anything to do with anything, but did you hear that there’s going to be a movie made about Janis Joplin and they want Britney Spears to play the role of Janis? That’s like having Marilyn Manson play the lead role in a movie about Pope John Paul.
April 7th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
He wasn’t serious… if he really wanted to commit suicide, he’d just put a pair of binoculars up to his eyes and zoom in and out really fast until his brain ruptured.
April 8th, 2006 at 6:16 am
Maybe Dr. Kervorkian has decided on e-commerce as a revenue stream. He would need some marketing assistance however. I think we should try to come up with a catchy name and slogan for him. I’ll start:
“Elevator - You’ll get there either way, up or down”
April 8th, 2006 at 6:17 am
Next?
April 8th, 2006 at 6:33 am
you guys are funny, I like the Marilyn Manson/pope comparison! that is funny! I dont care who you are!
And chewing on tinfoil…..ewwww, that would do it for me. How about just viewing the paris hilton video???
April 8th, 2006 at 8:49 am
That was a great one leahmarie…LMAO, and berlincoln, no truer words were ever spoken, I hope someone nixes this idea I really like Janis Joplins music and I guarantee you Brittany Spears can come no where close to the singer she was!
April 8th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
What no bridges near by to jump off of ???
April 12th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
All right!! My website finally had made a sale!!