The Signing Bonus
Lakewood, OH
Things didn’t go well for a woman arrested for petty theft while applying for a job at the IHOP restaurant on Detroit Avenue.
According to reports, a woman came into the eatery around 8 p.m. to fill out an application, and left with a charity container for the March of Dimes.
She returned the next day for her interview, and was astonished to discover officers had more questions for her than the restaurant’s manager.
The suspect was cited and released. Needless to say, she did not get the job.
Found in the Lakewood Sun Post
May 17th, 2006 at 1:01 am
ber, take it away. with a maiden name of hopper, and a mother who had one leg, all the ihop jokes I know are too cruel
May 17th, 2006 at 2:12 am
Well, now, why not!!???? I mean seriously. Think about it. The obvious talent that this young woman possesses is truly amazing. She (allegedly) absconded with a jar designated for charity donations (that sits IN PLAIN SIGHT, RIGHT THERE BY THE CASH REGISTER) right in front of everyone. Imagine were she to apply said talent to waitressing. Why, hungry customers would be amazed and astounded at the “sudden appearance” of their food wafting (hehe) tantilizingly under their noses. And the just as sudden disappearance of dirty dishes within moments of the meals completion. Soon, word would get around of this “magical” place. People would come from far and near to claim witness to the validity of the “miracle”………………. hey, leah, I found your thesaurus under the couch. I think you should call someone to have your spiders checked out though, one of them bit me, and I’ve had the strangest dream about a one-legged waitress at a pancake house in the midwest……….
May 17th, 2006 at 5:20 am
Maybe she took the jar as a means of showing the manager that she REALLY needed the job… FWIW I have worked several places with these containers, and you’d be amazed how often they vanish or customers break into them right in front of you and take the money out. Then get snotty when you call them on it. I’ve seen them secured to the counter with bicycle chains, even.
May 17th, 2006 at 5:33 am
Weelllll…my fine City hosts not one, but TWO Ihops. There is one waitress who “magically” appears at work at both, because everytime we would eat at either one, she would be our waitress. A large, loutish,sour-faced woman with the most remarkable moustache ever imagined on a woman. (An aside: ladies, do you not SEE that miniature afghan hound growing above your upper lip? Do you not KNOW that a fu manchu is unsightly, even on a man? Just because you yourself cannot see it (except when looking in a mirror, a talent you obviously have not developed ) does not give you the right to inflict the public eye with it. I realize that in some countries–perhaps those populated by the uneducated and unwashed…ok, France, for one–the hirsuit female is a sought after jewel. But here in the US, you will not find one mustachio-ed female on the cover of “Glamour” or “People” magazines. US News & Reports, perhaps, but not any other)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Mustache Missy, as we soon came to call her. After determining which section of the restaurant she was assigned to, we began asking to be seated in another section, preferably out of eyesight of her section. MM would “magically” appear at our table, beady eyed, her mustache wisping over her thin, down-turned lip. We conceded to defeat. We stopped going to Ihop eventually, not because of Mustache Missy, but because the service became slower and slower, the tables and coffy urns went unwashed, and the final straw was when a plate of food was dropped near our table and it was 20 minutes before someone made an attempt to clean it up.
The woman applying for the job was obviously desperate, and realized that if she worked there, that jar of money would be the only “tip” she’d make.
May 17th, 2006 at 5:55 am
isnt facial hair looked down upon if you are waiting tables? you know, the chance of getting a mustache hair in your scrambled eggs or your hash browns?
May 17th, 2006 at 6:56 am
Obviously not in Ihop.
May 17th, 2006 at 6:56 am
Hey Ber, next time she waits on you guys just leave her a bottle of Nair or a coupon for free laser hair removal as a tip…….maybe she will get the message. ;0
May 17th, 2006 at 8:33 am
Hmmm…I’m thinkin’ that Frank Burns ran out of money to complete the necessary final in his series of transgenderal procedures.
May 17th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Why didn’t she get the job? I’d think her ability to siphon money would qualify her as an excellent candidate for a managerial position.
And, sly? That was not my thesaurus you absconded. In your confusion, after being bitten by one of my guard spiders, you mistakenly ran off with my Book of Shadows, and, um… I need that back, ok? (It’s for your own good — the antidote IS in there, but unless you can decifer the Runic alphabet and the Gaelic phrasing, well…)
May 18th, 2006 at 6:02 am
NÃl aon tóin tinn mar do thóin tinn féin.
May 18th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Lol!!! No, not at all, ber… “Charmed” is one of my favorite shows is all.
May 18th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
So, leah, “there’s no sore ass like your own sore ass” ?
May 18th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
I met me darlin’ husband in Dublin, Ireland. He charmed the elastic off me knickers, he did. Learned a bit o’ theGaelic there. The spoken language sounds like a record being played backwards, but ’tis brilliantly loovly when sung.
May 18th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
I agree, ber, it is a complicated language, especially for American-born Scotts who’ve never been to the Lands of the Celts. My translation of that line worked out something like one of the idiomatic expressions oft heard ’round the fishing village where I live: “Ye burn ye ass, ye set on th’ blister.” Which is why I laughed about what you said, because it was sly who was bitten… only not on his arse (or so he says). And I also agree with about the Celtic music… it’s so hauntingly beautiful it makes your heart ache. The Irish and the Scotts also have some awesome sailing and rowing craft to their historical (and now, present) credit — something else that draws my attention to that region.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:43 am
Ah, leah, the location of my bite could be construed as improper for a high-hat website such as this. (wink wink Travis) However, regarding your Book of Spells, I’ve gotten used to the weird dreams (or were those the visions?) Oh well, there were lots of lights with some pretty cool streamers coming off of them. Some kind of loud, high-pitched wailing noise …… but I digress …. I no longer want the antidote, but I would like one of those spiders. How about a trade???
May 19th, 2006 at 11:58 am
Ok, sly, will do… meet me at the dock tomorrow night, when the moon is void-of-course, k?
May 19th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Sorry, leah, it’s a Scorpio new moon. No can do. How about Sunday morn? I’ll bring the danish.
May 19th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Cool… see you around ten-ish?
May 19th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
I’ll be there - deck shoes on, danish in hand (no I won’t forget your book.)