I’m Sure He’s Harmless
Wellington, FL
A man was standing in the middle of the road holding a butcher’s knife in one hand and a dead armadillo in the other in the 12800 block of Peconic Court. He was ordered to drop the knife and the animal and he did. After speaking with him, he said he was not on his medication. When asked if he wanted to hurt himself or others, he said no. He had just been released from the hospital.
Found in the Palm Beach Post
May 17th, 2006 at 6:55 am
Unlike prison, where upon release you’re issued a new suit and $100, The “hospital” this man was “released” from issues butcher knives and armadillo. Viola! Instant Occupational rehab!
May 17th, 2006 at 8:30 am
There’s nothing wrong with this guy other than a schizophrenic connection with automobiles ’cause they’ve been killing armadillos for years. But, have cops stopped them for that reason? NO! This is clearly a case of activity-profiling and that’s wrong.
Either that or the hospital let him go without the proper footwear and he took matters into his own hands.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:03 am
Does a guy with a knife and a dead armadillo want to hurt himself or others? Nooooooooo.
May 17th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Even psychos off their meds gotta eat, right? Reminds me of that Carl Hiaason character (Skank, I think he’s called) that lives off roadkill down in the cleverblades of Florida.
May 17th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
What he couldn’t find any road kill nearby? He had to do the act himself? I know the man was out of food stamps and the nearest soup kitchen was closed..
May 17th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
He’s the new head chef at the roadkill cafe and he was just trying to get today’s lunch special
May 17th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
He is, nightmare!! I thought you might recognize him from dinner the other night. He told me to tell you that he sincerely apologizes for the quills you found in the Porky Pie. He did promise something truly special the next time you come in…….
May 17th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Look, I am an artist, I create what comes to mind so if you don’t like my seared armadillo with a roasted pablano-garlic red wine reduction with a red pepper risoto and seasoned veg, then take your business some where else. We here at the roadkill cafe’ promise our guests the freshest products and the friendliest service backed by a 100% money back garuantee!
May 17th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
Geez, can’t a guy shop for dinner without the cops giving him a hard time? What the aitch eee double hockey sticks is the world coming to, anyway? I try to pick up something nice to serve at the next wal-mart parking lot soiree, and next thing I know I’m looking up the ugly end of a glock!!!!! I explained that the hospital thing was just a horrible mix-up (it wasn’t even my chainsaw), but they seemed dubious. After a few calls on the radio and phone (and MANY odd questiions for me), they finally realized I was “mostly harmless” and went off to harass a donut or two before shift change. I got that armored weasel on ice and I’m fixin to get a couple of squirrels for the ragout as well. Should be a good party!
May 17th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
Do they even HAVE armadillos in Florida?
May 17th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Mike, you didn’t toss the scuba tanks after the last one did you? I found us a nitrous guy who’ll refill ‘em. Gonna need that meter, too, so we can make sure Ber and whtgoddess don’t go overboard this time. They both swore they only hit the mask once or twice, but I’m thinking that was EACH time they went through the line.
May 17th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
they do now, mike. Dead armadillos, but armadillos nonetheless.
May 18th, 2006 at 12:56 am
Golly Ber, BUSTED! oh well, ‘nother hit?
May 18th, 2006 at 5:51 am
Realistic, is that recipe available on line? It sounds exquisite! Served with a lovely Sangria punch, this would be a delightful early summer dinner. If fresh armadillo is not available, would a pressed (but tender) beaver from I-80 be a suitable substitute?
May 18th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
I emailed Shannon, a Seminole friend of mine, and asked her if she knew anything about cooking armadillos. This is what she said:
Heat oven to 350.
Place a red brick in roasting pan. Place armadillo on brick.
Bake for 6 hours.
Turn armadillo over.
Bake for another 6 hours.
Throw armadillo away. Eat the brick.
Serves two.
May 18th, 2006 at 5:06 pm
Ber, the beaver wouldn’t go right with that recipie but I can make one hell of a stew with it!
May 18th, 2006 at 6:22 pm
I thought fresh, warm, gently pressed beaver goes with anything! Or does it come with anything?
May 18th, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Perhaps you mean comes with everything, Ber……………
May 18th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Well, a premium beaver does have it’s standards, I know from personal experience that it does NOT mix well with Ripple wine, fritos, and cheap porno movies.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:29 am
Perhaps because it was shaken and not stirred.
May 19th, 2006 at 5:41 am
RFLMAO SLY!! A shaken beaver makes it dry and tough and hard to chew.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:31 am
Last time I tried to chew a beaver with my teeth in, I got slapped! And threatened with retaliation in kind…..
May 19th, 2006 at 9:40 am
Mike, I’ve found that if one is attentive to the details during the preparation, the beaver will practically melt in your mouth.
May 19th, 2006 at 11:59 am
Good one, Mr. High Hat.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:19 pm
You win the prize, Sly. You sound like someone who knows the fine art of preparing a beaver so succulant that even the non-beaver eaters will become beaver-eating believers.
May 19th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
Buttermilk Beaver
Marinate beaver in buttermilk to clean taste and soften meat. Wash thoroughly 2-3 lbs. beaver steaks 1/2 inch thick
Bacon Fat
One half cup of flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
2 medium onions
1 Box mushrooms
2 cans Cream of Onion Soup
1 tsp. Garlic Powder 1 cup milk
Coat steaks in flour. Discard remaining flour. Dice onions. Melt enough bacon fat to coat the bottom of your pan. Saute onions and mushrooms until brown.
Add soup, milk, beaver and seasonings and simmer covered for 30 minutes. Add more milk if needed.
Armadillo may be substituted for beaver, if beaver happens to be in short supply or out of season.
May 20th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Ber, would this be good for spotted owl, too?
May 22nd, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Who? Who?