Seven Bottles?
Goleta Valley, CA
Carrying two packages of condoms, seven bottles of lubricant, a pornographic magazine and a sex toy, a subject attempting to flee an adult video store without paying for the merchandise was apprehended by a store employee. The 50-year-old male claimed he entered the store looking for “items for his fish tank,†not intending to steal. And he only ducked out momentarily to check on a friend in the parking lot, he added.
Unconvinced, store personnel contacted authorities and signed a citizen’s arrest form citing the man for petty theft. All items, including one made of leather, were returned to the store
Found in the Goleta Valley Voice
June 19th, 2006 at 12:20 am
Sounds like he was planning to stay in for the evening. Not sure what he was gonna use in his fish tank, though.
June 19th, 2006 at 4:52 am
It also seems like he was planning on having an erection for more than 4 hours.
June 19th, 2006 at 5:24 am
funny roo! I wanto to see the guy that needs 2 packages of condoms and 7 bottles of lube….must be good stuff he is smoking if he is that horney
June 19th, 2006 at 6:50 am
Or some really good Vitamin V.
June 19th, 2006 at 7:38 am
Yup, he got F*cked. And isn’t that what he set out to do in the first place? Odd how he didn’t take any videos for the video store. For a guy with all the lubricant, he just ain’t that slick.
June 19th, 2006 at 7:45 am
Thank God they nabbed him before he got home. Those gold fish have no idea what kind of horrors were in store for them.
June 19th, 2006 at 7:46 am
I’m betting that the only kind of fish he’s got in his tank are suckers and blowfish. Waddya think?
June 19th, 2006 at 9:27 am
…and to think this pervert was going to make the gold fish watch!!!
June 19th, 2006 at 10:27 am
I wanna know what “one item” made of leather was …………… Seems an interesting “extra” to throw in there at the end of the report.
June 19th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
Robo, I don’t think he was going to make them watch. I think they were his intended (and unwilling) participants.
June 19th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Fish participants? I suppose he couldn’t find any hamsters.
June 20th, 2006 at 7:24 am
Hamsters are so overated. They’re not even mentioned in the Kama Sutra.
June 20th, 2006 at 9:24 am
The problem with hamsters is that they don’t have enough of a tail to tie the string to. That’s why gerbils are more popular with the cogniscenti. Unless you were planning on wrapping said hamster in electrical tape…..
June 20th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
I was wondering the same thing sly, sounds kinda strange to mention that at the end of the report??. maybe he got confused let’s see pet store or porn store almost sounds the same?…………
June 21st, 2006 at 1:21 am
Judging by the posts on this one, jul, I’d say they are exactly the same.
And, Mike, duct tape works best. Electrical tape has a tendency to stretch with extreme heat………or so I’ve heard……..