No Love Seat
Fergus Falls, MN
A local man faces charges of second and fifth degree assault after taking out a knife and stabbing furniture at a residence in Fergus Falls, according to Otter Tail County court records.
Timothy Femrite, 41, allegedly returned home drunk and started talking inappropriately to people at the residence. He then proceeded to take out a knife and stab the couch.
Authorities were called and the man was arrested.
Found in the Fergus Falls Daily Journal
June 30th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
love reading y’all and i’m sure with your smarts y’all can straighten this out for me. Was the fifth degree assault from talking inappropriately to the people and second degree assault on the furniture? Thanks for whatever help y’all cangive me.
June 30th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
I believe it was for taking a stab at remodeling the furniture. most people in my trailer park could care less about talking inapproperatly
June 30th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
hmmm? Maybe the guy was trying to stab the folks at the residence and had REALLY bad aim?? hey at least no one was hurt not physically anyway, you know sticks and stones and in this case knives can hurt but, names never will…
June 30th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
I beleive the second degree assault was for stabbing the couch and the fifth degree assault was for stabbing the side chair. I doubt he had any charges for stabbing furniture in his own home. I mean, if I man can’t stab his own lazyboy what can he stab? How is talking inappropriately in your own home a crime, anyway? Shoot, I f**king talk sheet to the beachin’ homeboys any ol’ time.
July 1st, 2006 at 12:21 am
So, jul, would that mean that this guy is the famous author Mr. Completely? I’m sure you know his greatest work, “Holes in the Mattress”. Maybe he’s working on a sequel…………..
July 1st, 2006 at 9:39 am
..Possibally (sp) sly?
July 1st, 2006 at 10:03 am
There are actually not just laws, but degrees of laws, for stabbing furniture? omg… sounds like one (or some) of the dumb laws you see on the Dumb Laws website — like spitting on the sidewalk is illegal on Sunday if you’re eating an ice-cream cone and day-dreaming about Pee Wee Herman, in some states.
July 1st, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Spitting on the sidewalk is illegal almost everywhere, leah. The laws date back to a time when many men chewed plug tobacco, but spitting on the sidewalk is disgusting and unsanitary even today. It also shows a certain lack of regard for others, which translates as no class. If you can’t spit all the way to the curb, swallow it!
July 1st, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Ok, so I don’t know much about mainland sidewalk etiquette
— around here, we don’t have them (except in town), and people spit habitually as part of greeting ritual… if you don’t, you’re said to be “actin’ all uppity”. In another sense, when you spit on someone’s shoes (or bare feet), well, “them’s fightin’ actions”… it’s like, “come aboard an’ tie ye craft!”
July 1st, 2006 at 4:41 pm
You know it is illegal to pass gas or burp in Church in Nebraska? In New Orleans it is illegal to wear high heals on the street, (something about the grates in the walks and getting stuck). I can look up more if you want but these are a couple I remember from years ago. There are some VERY ODD laws out there. Like needing to hire an electritian to change a light bulb.
July 1st, 2006 at 4:47 pm
He needed some new furniture anyhow but, what I’m wondering is if the furniture was interrogated beforehand. You know…givin’ the 5th degree?
July 1st, 2006 at 6:38 pm
When you get that close to Fargo things just take on entirely new meanings. eh?
the spitting on the sidewalk thing was back when there were some real bad illnesses around like typhus and small pox and when influenza was a real life threatener. And yes it was (and still is) a disgusting thing to see someone spit a bunch of brown juice around too.
July 1st, 2006 at 11:24 pm
I personally like the Texas law that states one of the legal defenses for murder as “Because he/she needed killin’.” Of course, there is the NC law that allows you to stone your wife on the courthouse steps for 1 minute at noon exact Sunday. That’ll bring a warm and fuzzy feeling to any Dixie-fried redneck’s heart.
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:57 am
Hmmm, now all i need to do is figure out how to get the wife to NC next sunday…..
July 4th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Well, you could invite her on a “business” trip. And while you’re in NC, after the ‘required’ sightseeing trip to the county courthouse, you can snag some possum. (something about that kudzu diet really gives a different twang.)