Small Town Misfit

Parma, OH
A Browns fan was smacked in the face with a pan full of clams and hot water after he insulted a Steelers fan Sunday during the football game.

Police were called about 3:45 p.m. to a Stumph Road apartment complex where the victim lives. He said he told his friend that the Steelers team and their quarterback were no good. The two men argued and the Pittsburgh fan took the pan off the stove and swung it at the Cleveland supporter. He left the scene before police got there, but faces a felonious assault charge.

Found in the Parma Sun Post

Orange County, CA
A caller Monday around 11 a.m. said a naked woman, who was described as being “very upset,” got out of a gray Pontiacand ran out into the street in the 21500 block Brookhurst Street.

The woman was reportedly walking into businesses, including a physical therapy office and a 76 gas station.

Someone put a gown on the woman and police picked her up so they could take her to a hospital for mental evaluation. While inside the police car, the woman kicked out the car’s back window.

Found in the Orange County Register

Chattanooga, TN
A woman who was stopped for running a stop sign on Ocoee Street gave a driver’s license that turned out to be her sister’s.

Police wound up charging both sisters and taking them to the County Jail.

The woman who was driving the car gave the license of Sylvia Porter. Police did a check and found there was an active warrant against her.

At that point, the driver said Syliva Porter is actually her sister.

She identified herself as Berlinda Jones. She said there was no insurance on the vehicle she was driving.

Police went to Wheeler Avenue, where they found Ms. Porter. She was taken into custody on the warrant.

Back on Ocoee Street, officers found a glass crack pipe and a metal push rod in Ms. Jones’ purse.

Numerous charges were filed against Ms. Jones, including running a stop sign, driving without a license and without insurance, criminal impersonation and possession of drug paraphernalia.

After a search at the County Jail, they added one more - possession of contraband in a penal institute. They found crack cocaine in her underwear.

Found in the Chattanoogan

Atlanta, GA
On Glenwood Place, a 44-year-old woman said her dog urinated in the house that morning. She said her brother asked her to clean it up, then he left. She said her father grabbed a pan and hit her elbow, causing a deep cut. She said she and her father both grabbed objects throughout the house and struck each other. She had scratches on her neck.

The father, age 78, said he was in his room when his daughter started banging on the door. He said when he answered the door, she threw a glass dish at him. He said to defend himself, he grabbed objects and struck his daughter. The father had scratches on his chest, arm and forehead. He also had an egg-shaped bump on his forehead, an officer noted. Both father and daughter were charged with aggravated assault and battery and went to Grady Memorial Hospital.

Found in Creative Loafing

Atlanta, GA
Two men were hanging out at the Stop N’ Shop on Alison Court, police said. One officer described the men as “two individuals who practically live at the Stop N’ Shop on a daily basis, and I have spoken with them numerous times over the last three years.”

The officer noticed a large bulge in one man’s right pocket. The officer asked: “What do you have in your pocket?” The man, age 26, said he only had a phone charger in his pocket. “While he was moving items around in his pocket, I noticed a white cellophane wrapper,” the officer noted. The officer asked again: “Is there anything in your pocket I need to know about?” The man said, “I got a bag of weed in my pocket.” The officer said: “Give me the marijuana bag.” The man said, “Can I take the weed and pour it out in the grass?” The officer ordered him to give up the marijuana. The man said “OK,” reached down to his shoe and tried to take off running.

The officers stopped the man, who started swinging. He hit one officer in the chest with his elbow. Eventually, the man was handcuffed. Police searched him and came up with a cell phone, $2,190.50 in cash … but no marijuana. The officer asked: “Why did you fight and try to run if you didn’t have any marijuana?” The man said he’d been taking Ecstasy, and it made him “crazy.” He said he was too high on drugs, and thought the marijuana was in his pocket. The man was arrested for obstructing an investigation. He went to jail.

Found in Creative Loafing

Brunswick, OH
A naked man who jumped off a third-floor balcony of a Skyview Drive apartment was taken into custody Saturday night after challenging police to a foot race through the Forest Hills and Hickory Hills subdivisions.

Police say neighbors complained of a male and female yelling inside one of the apartments around 11:47 p.m., which prompted them to investigate. When they arrived, a woman answered the door to the apartment saying she was the only one inside the residence. As police were looking around, they spotted a man wearing no clothes run out the back door onto a balcony where he proceeded to jump off, landing on the concrete below.

The man was located minutes later near the intersection of Judita Drive and Skyview Drive, where officers began chasing him on foot. The man was arrested a short time later near Magnolia Drive.

Upon investigation, police discovered the man had an active warrant for his arrest issued by the Parma Police Department. He was taken to the station, where he was cited for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

The man was later turned over to Parma police.

Found in the Brunswick Sun Times

Atlanta, GA
At an adult-fantasy store on Cheshire Bridge Road, a clerk said he argued with an unsatisfied customer about a vibrator. He said the female customer wanted to return the vibrator; however, the store has a “no return” policy. He said she got mad and argued with him, and then she left and called him and started arguing again. About 10 minutes later, the clerk heard a loud crash outside the store — his scooter was totaled. (The scooter is worth $2,100.) He said the female customer’s companion called him, laughing, and asked, “How he liked that.” Also, the female customer had signed up for a video membership at the adult-fantasy store, using her Georgia driver’s license. A computer check revealed her address on Todd Road, which is about 10 minutes away from the store, the officer noted. The female customer is 32 years old with brown hair.

Found in Creative Loafing

Palmer, AK
A 40-year-old Palmer man was arrested for threatening his neighbor August 7, troopers said. While troopers were at the scene of the incident, the man, who’d apparently been drinking all day, challenged his neighbor to a gunfight. Troopers found a Browning bolt-action .375-caliber rifle and ammunition near the open back door. The man was arrested for disorderly conduct and misconduct involving a weapon.

Found in the Anchorage Press

Oakley, OH
A 48-year-old Oakley man who police identified by DNA in the blood he left behind at three burglaries scenes told a judge Wednesday he was in the wrong business.

“Apparently breaking and entering is not an occupation I should have,” said Kurt Sprowl.

Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Melba Marsh agreed and sentenced him to spend two years in prison after Sprowl pleaded guilty to a burglary charge.

Sprowl broke into three buildings – two in August 2006 and one in March, each time leaving blood behind after cutting himself during the break in, prosecutors said.

His DNA was collected and entered into a statewide database, but there were no matches found and the crimes remain unsolved.

In the meantime, Sprowl was arrested in late August 2006 on a separate breaking and entering charge and ordered Oct. 11 to spend six months in prison.

That conviction set off a series of events that lead to Sprowl’s arrest, court officials said.

The conviction meant Sprowl was required to turn over a sample of his DNA, which was entered into the database. That showed Sprowl’s DNA was the same as the DNA from the blood left behind at the crime scenes.

Sprowl was released from prison before the match was made, allowing for the March break-in. He was re-arrested on the new charges June 11.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Atlanta, GA
At a restaurant on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway, a waitress said she was cleaning a table when a plastic creamer hit her face. She believed a customer threw the plastic creamer at her. A police officer arrived and noted that the waitress used abrasive and abusive language toward him. The officer asked: “What do you want done about the situation?” The waitress said she wanted an apology and for the officer to do his job. The officer wrote, “I asked her if she was injured from the creamer and if she needed an ambulance. She stated, ‘Don’t patronize me. No, I don’t need an ambulance.’”

The customer, a 38-year-old man, admitted that he tossed the creamer in the waitress’s direction, but he didn’t mean to hit her. The officer asked him to apologize to the waitress, and he did. But the waitress wouldn’t accept his apology. She said the officer needed to do his job, “unless I need to call another officer to do it for you.” So the officer called for backup.

Two witnesses said they saw the customer throw the creamer at the waitress, and they had asked him: “Why did you do that?” They said he replied: “Just total aggravation.”

The backup police arrived. According to the officer’s report, the restaurant manager and police heard restaurant employees “trying to make the dispute and the resolution of the dispute into a racial issue.”

The customer was charged with disorderly conduct and taken to jail.

Found in Creative Loafing

Tacoma, WA
A Tacoma, Washington man was recently charged with numerous hunting violations for a May 2006 illegal bear hunt near Ketchikan, troopers said. The man, along with six others, videotaped the hunt with the intention of editing it and selling copies. Here’s the problem: The tape shows them violating state game laws, including taking big game from a boat and taking black bear at an illegal bait site.

In fact, making the video itself is a crime, because the U.S. Forest Service requires permits for commercially produced videos filmed on Forest Service land. Wildlife troopers, Forest Service agents and Washington Game and Fish officers seized two black bears and several thousand DVDs packaged for sale, troopers said. They also found a stolen vehicle in the man’s garage and unedited tapes that showed more hunting violations.

Found in the Anchorage Press

Goleta Valley, CA
Acting peculiarly, a young man, 18, continued to walk in and out of the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department main station. When contacted, the suspicious subject was unable to provide his own name to authorities nor did he know where he was.

Noting dilated pupils, deputies suspected the man to be under the influence of a controlled substance. When asked to perform a routine urine test, the subject replied, “All pee is dirty.”

After his arrest, during a search of his property, deputies found a form indicating he’d been released from jail the day prior.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice