Small Town Misfit

Goleta Valley, CA
Returning home to find his Isla Vista house burglarized, the resident looked outside to find a young man passed out on the front lawn. Checking the downed man’s pockets for identification, the victim came across his own stolen iPod. Apparently, the intoxicated burglar passed out before making it off the property.

The thief, once awakened, began vomiting profusely. Coming to his aid, the victim brought a wastebasket to the ill suspect until, finally, the suspect was able to walk home. It wasn’t until the following day that the victim realized the sick thief had also left with stolen cash in his pocket.

The victim turned over information collected from the suspect’s identification in hopes of locating the suspect and the $91. In a change of heart, having realized the thankless burglar left with stolen property, the victim told authorities he now wished to press charges against the thief.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Waynesboro, GA
Deputies had an odd interview with a Gough man being treated by EMA personnel.

When they first asked what was wrong, the 50-year-old said he had nothing to say but tacked on a few vulgarities for good measure.

When pressed for more information, he told officers that a chair fell from the sky and hit him on the head.

After he demanded to be left alone, others on the scene were asked to keep a close watch on him and call back if he took a turn for the worse or was “attacked by another chair.”

Found in the True Citizen

Richland, PA
David Cawley, 18, of Iroquois Avenue in McCandless waived a hearing March 28 on a charge of simple assault. Northern Regional police said that on March 19, Cawley, who was naked, jumped head-first into the open window of an officer’s patrol car in the 5600 block of Community Center Drive. Police said he injured the officer and two paramedics when taken into custody.

Found in the Pittsburgh Tribune Review

Rio Grande, NM
7:51 p.m. — A State Road 571 caller said her son wrecked a car into her other son’s house, then went inside and tried to fight him. Deputies took a report for driving under the influence.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Rio Grande, NM
10:29 p.m. — A caller said a woman was driving a car with a man in the back seat who was using a slingshot to hit cars with rocks. The duo was pulled over on a traffic stop before police responded to the call.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Kalispell, MT
7:47 p.m. A Kalispell man called in because his wife whacked him on the head with a frying pan.

Found in the Flathead Beacon

Orem, UT
An 18-year old male attempted to do a front flip in the Student Center and landed on his face. The male was transported by ambulance to a local hospital for treatment of facial and possible neck injury.

Found in the Utah Valley State College Times

Durango, CO
9:59 p.m. A drunken woman went into a martial-arts class at the Smiley Building, 1309 East Third Ave., and tried to start a fight. She left the building on foot.

Found in the Durango Herald

Orange County, CA
Deputies responded to a welfare check call at 11:23 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 8 from a residence in Coto de Caza.

A woman on Hubbard Way reported that an iron had fallen on her husband’s head and she didn’t know what to do. The woman said she had called her insurance company before dialing 911.

The operator sent a deputy to check on the husband and called the Orange County Fire Authority for possible medical attention.

Found in the Orange County Regsiter