Small Town Misfit

Eagle Hill, MA
A woman escaped major injury Monday morning after allegedly being struck in the hand with a sword handle by a male suspect, police report.

Police arrived at 156 Falcon St. in East Boston’s Eagle Hill where the victim escorted officers to a second-floor room. That’s where cops found the suspect glassy eyed and slurring his speech, according to a police report.

The suspect was placed in handcuffs and admitted to drinking, the report states. The victim told police they had been at a party and got into an argument about the victim’s behavior when they returned home. The suspect allegedly struck the victim with a sword and punched her in the eye, according to a police report.

Fredy A. Landaverde of East Boston was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon.

Found in the Boston Herald

Goleta Valley, CA
It was 5 a.m. when authorities in Isla Vista received a call of an injured man stranded on the beach below Del Playa Drive. When deputies found their subject, a 20-year-old UCSB student, standing near the base of the beach bluff, blood was saturating his pant leg.

The young man, interviewed while medics made their way to the scene, told authorities how, after urinating off the bluff ledge hours earlier, he’d accidentally slipped, falling 30 feet to the rocky beach below. He landed on his knee, suffering unknown injuries.
Unable to walk on his injured leg, the young man hobbled along the beach for two hours, he said, until he had cell phone reception to call for help.

He was transported to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Goleta Valley, CA
A deputy patrolling Isla Vista approached a young man stumbling along Del Playa Drive at 2:15 a.m. intending to ask the subject some simple questions. During initial contact, the 18-year-old extended his hand in attempt to shake hands with the officer, but he missed.
When asked if he knew where he was, the intoxicated City College student replied, “Yup. I’m … right here.”

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Charleston, SC
Officers responded to a call complaining of a loud pool party on Center Street in Folly Beach on July 6, according to a public safety report.

When officers arrived, they found five people around the pool and two men in it, one of whom was nude.

The naked 26-year-old man was asked to get out of the pool and get dressed. He had trouble standing when he got out, put on a towel and said with slurred speech that he was not nude, reports say.

The man was issued a ticket for disorderly conduct and was given a court date.

Found in the Post and Courier

Rio Grande, NM
1:33 p.m. — A caller said a man was asleep in a car on Bond Street, but he was stepping on the accelerator while Chihuahuas escaped from his car. Police found the intoxicated man running around Vietnam Veterans Park chasing his Chihuahuas; a sober driver picked him up.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Goleta Valley, CA
Returning home to find his Isla Vista house burglarized, the resident looked outside to find a young man passed out on the front lawn. Checking the downed man’s pockets for identification, the victim came across his own stolen iPod. Apparently, the intoxicated burglar passed out before making it off the property.

The thief, once awakened, began vomiting profusely. Coming to his aid, the victim brought a wastebasket to the ill suspect until, finally, the suspect was able to walk home. It wasn’t until the following day that the victim realized the sick thief had also left with stolen cash in his pocket.

The victim turned over information collected from the suspect’s identification in hopes of locating the suspect and the $91. In a change of heart, having realized the thankless burglar left with stolen property, the victim told authorities he now wished to press charges against the thief.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Columbia, SC
On June 2, officers received a tip about someone selling drugs and beer out of a Pendleton Street home. So an undercover cop watched the location and saw a man go to the side of the residence and buy two beers. Another officer inquired with the beer buyer and he said he purchased it, from a 60-year-old man, because he didn’t feel like walking to a store. That officer then confronted the 60-year-old, who admitted that he had sold the beers — for $1 each (a pretty awesome deal, with sodas available at 50 cents per). The man was given a citation for selling suds without a required beer license.

Found in the Free Times

Amhurst, NY
Police responded to an accident at Broadway and Central. As officers spoke to the man, they noticed signs of intoxication and the odor of alcohol. The man admitted to having beer, but he couldn’t remember how many. Then he said, “I’ll be completely honest with you. I’m smashed.”

Found in the Bee News

Grass Valley, CA
2:48 a.m - A caller from Sierra Nevada Memorial Hospital reported a vehicle pulled up to the emergency room with an intoxicated person in the rear seat. The driver apparently was attempting to drop the person off when he began kicking the windows out of the vehicle. The driver sped off with the intoxicated man and responding officers were unable to locate the vehicle.

Found in the Union

Columbia, SC
A 47-year-old man left a Hampton Street barbershop May 15 and a woman followed him out. A few steps later a man came up to him and demanded money, saying, “Give me $30 for being with my woman.” The 47-year-old said, “I haven’t been with your woman,” and kept walking west on Hampton Street. But then he and the man started to argue. The man again demanded money for “being with his woman.” Then the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a box cutter, so the 47-year-old tried to step back but the suspect came at him, cutting him on the forehead. He said that after he got cut he threw $15 on the ground and the man walked away. The victim then ran to call the police.

Found in the Free Times

Cincinnati, OH
Forget sheet cakes and party hats – when Scarlett Doyle’s birthday rolled around, police say she celebrated by getting hammered and trying to beat up her mother-in-law.

Doyle, of Muncie , Ind. , was arrested just before 2 this morning on a disorderly conduct charge.

Doyle was seen stumbling through front yards in the 2800 block of Bodley Avenue in East Price Hill, a police report says, screaming obscenities and ringing the neighbors’ doorbells.

At one point, police saw Doyle grab her mother-in-law’s arm and try to fight the woman.

When officers arrested the petite blond, she told them she was drunk because it was her birthday.

On Thursday, Scarlett Doyle turned 33.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Rio Grande, NM???????? ????? ????????
1:34 p.m. — A Hernandez caller said her boyfriend was destroying the house. Police couldn’t locate the residence.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun