Small Town Misfit

Chattanooga, TN
A clerk at the Kangaroo Express on Dallas Road said a white male drove up in an older mid-size pickup truck with a loud exhaust. The man - described as about 35 years old, 6′3″ and 180 pounds - came in the store.

He picked up three cases of Bud Lite beer and walked to the door without paying.

Before departing, he told the clerk, “I’m going to have a good time tonight.”

Found in the Chattanoogan

Grass Valley, CA
11:08 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 24100 block of Dark Horse Drive reported all the beer had been stolen.

Found in the Union

Charleston, SC
An underage drinker booked for public drunkenness said, “I didn’t know Charleston city cops were such douch [sic] bags.” When told he should take his arrest seriously, the kid replied, “I’ve got a 3.8 GPA. They won’t do shit to me.”

Found in the Charleston City Paper

Kalispell, MT
10:06 p.m. A Lakeside man called in juegos de poker para descargar,juegos de poker,juegos de poli pokerpoker texas on linejuegos de poker online gratis,juegos de poker gratis,juegos de poker para descargar gratisbonos poquerholdem poker gratisel pokerpoker pagina webbonus de poker en lineastreep poker on linestreep poker gratisworld series of pokerpoker lineapoker instrucciones de juegopoker texas holdem gratis,poker texas holdem,poker texas holdem onlineprobabilidades texas holdemjuego streep pokercard gamejugar poker omaha gratispoquer lineajugar card studstreep pokerstrep poker onlinejuegos pc pokercomo jugar a pokerpoker pceuropean pokerjuegos poker,juegos flash poker,juegos poker eroticojuego de poker gratuitopoker descargajuego poker omahamejor juego de pokerpoker caribe paginas webjugar poker en linea,poker en linea,juego de poker en lineapoker game online,stip poker online,poker onlinejuego al instante paginas webcartas de poker gratisstreep poker onlinede juegos de pokerjuego omaha poker en lineapai gow poker online,pai gow poker portal,pai gownaipes para pokerjugar 7 card studpoker gratis sin dinerodescargar juego poker gratisbonus de poker onlineapuestas en lineareglamentos pokerpoker online sin dineropoker portales webjuego poker erotico because he and his wife got into an argument after they drank some booze and got into a water fight. The wife was mad because her husband wouldn’t put their son to bed because the bed was wet from the water fight.

Found in the Flathead Beacon

Kalispell, MT
10:34 p.m. A woman from Washington called in because she had received three troubling phone calls from her brother in Coram. On the first call he claimed he had shot himself. He called back and said he was drunk and he shot himself. He called again and said he was just drunk and he hadn’t been shot. Deputies checked on him and he seemed to be OK.

Found in the Flathead Beacon

Goleta Valley, CA
A couple in their 60s living in Isla Vista awoke on a Friday morning to find an unknown college student sleeping in their bed — with them.

According to one of the residents,the young woman, wearing only a T-shirt and panties, had climbed into their bed undetected over the course of the evening. When the co-ed awoke at 6:30 a.m., she was alarmed by her mistake.

With little trouble, deputies found her pants and shoes in the driveway and her cellular phone on the lawn. Noting abrasions on her forehead and nose, it seems the uninvited guest, 21, may have fallen and injured herself before entering the private Sabado Tarde residence through an unlocked sliding glass door. She said her last memories were “drinking shots” with friends on Del Playa Drive the previous evening.

The couple did not wish to prosecute the young woman for trespassing. After gathering her belongings, she was transported safely home.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Erie County, NY
A patrol stopped a vehicle on Seneca Street after noticing it had no inspection sticker. When asked for his license and registration, the driver said, “My license is suspended, but I didn’t want my wife to drive because I think the front wheel is going to fall off.”

Found in the Bee News

Erie County, NY
An East Aurora man was pulled over after Depew police noticed him driving too slowly on Transit Road. An officer saw the driver pull out of a parking lot, and the driver continued to slow down, driving 20 mph down to 10 mph, so he didn’t pass the patrol car. The driver admitted to having “a few drinks” and told police he graduated from high school but didn’t know the English language.

Found in the Bee News Blotter

Chattanooga, TN
Katrina Kyner of Camden Street came home to find that a small garden shovel from her yard had been used to pry open her front door.

Drawers in a dresser were ransacked along with a small purse. She is missing a coin collection and a bottle of Crown Royal whisky.

Also taken was her deceased aunt’s identification papers.

Two dogs were at the house, and there is an alarm system. But the burglars were undeterred.

Found in the Chattanoogan

Erie County, NY
An officer was on Mill Road searching for two brothers with warrants out for their arrest. He spotted one of the suspect’s vehicles and attempted to pull it over, but the driver did not stop. The vehicle pulled into a driveway and one of the suspects exited. He told the officer his license was in his house. The officer told the suspect he had a warrant for his arrest and to put down his beer and put his hands behind his back. The suspect said, “Let me put my beer inside.” The suspect struggled with the officer, but was placed under arrest. Police located the second suspect hiding in a basement cabinet.

Found in Bee News

Madison, WI
A rural Fox Lake woman early Sunday was able to give a detailed description of a suspected drunken driver and the suspect ’s vehicle to a Dodge County sheriff ’s dispatcher.

That ’s because the woman was calling from that vehicle — a tan 2002 pickup truck — and she was driving it, Dodge County Sheriff Todd Nehls said.

The woman ’s boyfriend in the passenger seat suggested she call 911 to report her own drunken driving, so she did, Nehls said. The boyfriend was not driving, she said, because he was too drunk.

The call came in at 12:29 a.m. Sunday on the county 911 line as a hang-up call from a cell phone, Nehls said.

Dispatchers used a reverse 911 directory and called the phone, which was answered by a woman who identified herself as Patricia Dykstra, 51. She said her boyfriend made her call, because “somebody seems to think I can ‘t drive home straight. ”

When the dispatcher asked her why, she said, “He seems to think I ‘m too intoxicated to drive. ”

During a relatively pleasant conversation with the dispatcher — a recording of which Nehls released Monday — Dykstra gave her name, location and vehicle description before saying she should probably hang up because “I don ‘t like being on the phone while driving. ”

Asked by the dispatcher if she had too much to drink, she said “I don ‘t think so, ma ‘am. ”

She said she was almost home and gave the intersection. Throughout the 3 -minute call, however, the dispatcher did not suggest the woman pull over. Nehls said the dispatcher assumed the woman had already stopped, although her last advice to Dykstra was, “So Pat, drive carefully, OK? ”

Deputies went to her home, where Dykstra met them on the porch, Nehls said. She had consumed a six-pack of beer, she said, and her boyfriend a 12-pack. She was ticketed for drunken driving, her first offense.

Found in the Wisconsin State Journal
Tipped by Metropolis Zero

Chico, CA
6:20 p.m. Resisting a peace officer on the 2300 block of Forest Avenue. “…There is a male subject locked in the men’s bathroom entirely naked inside the stall. Subject has been in there for over 25 minutes.”

And…

10:56 p.m. Suspicious subject reported on the 200 block of Humboldt Avenue. “Female walked by reporting party’s house … she was totally naked and seemed very drunk.”

Found in the Orion