Small Town Misfit

Grass Valley, CA
A man in the police station lobby reported finding what appeared to be methamphetamine in front of a business on the 100 block of Neal Street. Police determined the substance was not meth, it was an emergency snakebite kit.

Found in the Union

Charleston, SC
A man was caught trespassing in a downtown parking garage. When asked for identification, the man gave the officer court papers from a previous arrest for trespassing in another parking garage. As the officer was reading the document, the man asked “if I could get one last smoke in before going to jail,” and pulled a crack pipe out and put it to his mouth.

Found in the Charleston City Paper

Boulder, CO
First claiming paralysis, a 31-year-old male transient suddenly found the restorative powers of being arrested in the early hours of March 7, according to Boulder Police reports. An attending physician at Boulder Community Hospital, 1100 Balsam Ave., told police that the man refused to leave the emergency room after being examined for possible paralysis and a back injury.

Finding neither, the physician told officers, he believed the suspect was attempting to get a prescription for narcotic painkillers. Despite the intervention of a security guard, the doctor said the man continued to yell at hospital staff members about his broken back and threatened to kill the physician. When officers arrived and began to escort the man from the emergency room, the suspect began to thrash about with his arms and legs, further calling into question the amount of paralysis he was suffering, according to reports.

In fact, after being handcuffed, the man rammed his head into a police car, yelling “police brutality,” the arresting officer wrote. The man was booked and held at Boulder County Jail on suspicion of trespassing, obstructing a police officer and resisting arrest.
Found in the Boulder Police Blotter

Wanyesboro, GA
A Waynesboro man told police that his drug dealer upped the price of cocaine.

According to a report filed at the Waynesboro Police Department, the victim said he bought $80 worth of cocaine “on credit.”

The dealer allegedly came to his residence to collect but walked away empty handed after a cousin told him the victim wasn’t home. The dealer did leave a message for the victim, however, letting him know that the price was now $220 and that he’d be killed if he didn’t pay.

Police talked to the victim about the dangers of using drugs before transporting him back home.

Found in the True Citizen

Boulder, CO
Offering a 22-year-old construction worker drugs for his hair, a 31-year-old Boulder woman was refused and ultimately arrested on suspicion of first-degree criminal trespass, resisting arrest and obstructing a police officer at 11:51 p.m. Police said the woman walked into an unlocked apartment on the 900 block of Spruce Street, where neither of the tenants, both of whom were 22-year-old male construction workers, knew her. The men told police the woman, who appeared intoxicated, said many incomprehensible things to them, besides the hair for drugs comment, before they were able together to exit the apartment.

After leaving the apartment, however, the woman began to bang on the front door very hard, hard enough that one of the responding officers said it appeared the window on the door was on the verge of breaking. The woman continued to refuse to leave the premises, and after her arrest attempted to kick out the patrol car windows. She was booked and held at Boulder County Jail.

Found in the Boulder Police Blotter

Goleta Valley, CA
Feeling “funny,” a young male approached an Isla Vista deputy in a patrol vehicle at 1:45 a.m. The talkative subject explained how he’d been at a “Mexican frat house” when another partygoer gave him a pill.

Told the pill would “relax” him, the forthcoming male did not hesitate ingesting the unidentified purple capsule. Shortly after swallowing the medication, the 20-year-old began feeling strange and left the party in search of help.

Noting a dry mouth and dilated pupils, the deputy performed a routine drug test. Testing presumptive positive for cocaine, amphetamines and THC, the young man was arrested. During a search of his belongings, the deputy additionally uncovered five oval shaped purple pills, the same ones, the subject said, he’d been given at the party.

Believed to be an illicit drug, drugs were booked as evidence.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Orange County, CA
A woman said her 17-year-old son had taken mushrooms, was on a “trip” and had “urinated everywhere in the house.” She said she tried to wait it out but he was pushing her and she could no longer control him, 3:43 p.m.

Found in the Orange County Register

Atlanta, GA
An officer was patrolling Springdale Road. He said a man came up to his patrol car and said, “Boo!” The officer asked: “Do you have any illegal drugs on you?” “No,” the man said. The officer asked: “Can I search you?” “Yes,” the man said. So the officer searched him and found .4 grams of suspected marijuana in the man’s pocket. The man, age 24, went to jail.

Found in Creative Loafing

Columbia, SC
Officers were called to investigate a civil disturbance on Oct. 19. When they arrived on King Street a 42-year-old woman said that a man, whom she knew only by his nickname, hit her in the face with a frying pan, apparently taking a cue from Daffy Duck. The woman admitted to police that she had taken seven shots of rum and smoked crack earlier that day.

Found in the Free Times

Rio Grande, NM
• 10:09 p.m. — A police officer pulled a car over at an Española car wash because he knew the driver had an active bench warrant out of Española Municipal Court. When the officer approached the car he observed a “blue and purple glass smoking pipe also known as a bong” in plain view behind the driver’s seat. The driver said that he used it for smoking marijuana, but said that was the only contraband in the vehicle.

The officer found “a gas mask with another pipe attached to the end of the hose” in the back seat of the car. At that point dispatch advised the officer that there was a recall on the warrant, making it invalid. The officer found a baggy full of an unspecified quantity of a green leafy substance believed to be marijuana and arrested the man, who claimed the drugs and paraphernalia belonged to a friend, according to the police report.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Erie County, NY
A white male with gray hair filled two plastic bags with various merchandise at Rite-Aid on Seneca Street and fled without paying. The stolen merchandise included skin care products, an electric razor, two at-home cocaine drug tests, two bottles of Advil and 11 packages of razor blades.

Found in the Bee News Blotter

Erie County, NY
A Lexington Green man befriended a woman who called herself “Jasmine” while at a bar on Elmwood Avenue. He brought her home and the two were talking and having beers when she offered to make him a mixed drink. She prepared the drink and then reportedly kept nagging him to “guzzle it down.” He finished the drink and passed out within 15 minutes. When he awoke around 10 the next morning, he found the following items missing from his residence: a laptop computer, cell phone, CD player, Coach watch and hooded sweatshirt.

Found in the Bee News