Small Town Misfit

Denton, TX
A woman reported to police early Monday that her former boyfriend assaulted her when she confronted him about dating her mother.

The woman said she learned about the relationship and was angry. She saw them together in a vehicle in a parking lot, pulled in beside them and confronted the former boyfriend. She called her mother a “slut,” according to the report, and her mother told her she should respect her and not call her names.

The pair left, but the woman returned later and again saw them in the parking lot, this time in separate vehicles. She again confronted him, she said.

Her mother tried to drive away, but she stood behind the car to prevent it. The boyfriend got inside his vehicle and she jumped in the door on top of him to prevent his leaving, she said.

She said the boyfriend bent her car key and injured her in the struggle, according to the report.

Found in the Denton Record-Chronicle

Atlanta, GA
An officer responded to a fight call on Joseph P. Lowery Boulevard. A 24-year-old woman said she was punched by a man she calls her “grandfather,” but he is just a family friend. The woman said she just took a pregnancy test and discovered it was positive. Then she said her water broke when she fell to the floor. Medics said this was improbable because she “just found out she was pregnant and she may have urinated on herself,” an officer wrote. The woman described her “grandfather” as a man with a long goatee and gray cornrows. He left before police arrived.

Found in Creative Loafing

Tracy, CA
3:59 p.m.: A man on the 2100 block of Wildflower Court reported an ongoing problem of people peeing on his roof.

Found in the Tracy Press

Atlanta, GA
Around 2 a.m., police spotted a naked man screaming on Auburn Avenue. The man “was exposing his penis and buttocks and shaking,” an officer wrote. The naked man yelled, “Help! Get the snake out of my pants. Help!” The officer said he tried to calm the man. “There was not a snake in his pants, so I ordered him to put his clothes back on,” the officer wrote. The man, age 37, was arrested for public indecency.

Found in Creative Loafing

Goleta Valley, CA
A man is wanted for assault after trying to remove a young woman’s underwear as she slept in Isla Vista.
The UCSB student, 20, was startled awake at 3:45 a.m. Quickly sitting up in her bed, the she saw a figure kneeling nearby. Turning on her bedroom light, she confronted the male, who said something unintelligible and turned to leave.

The victim told authorities she had to unlock her front door before the suspect with black hair and in his 20s could leave her apartment. Once he was out of the house, the woman immediately called authorities.

Deputies and university police canvassed the area for the suspect, believed to be wearing cowboy boots, with no results. The victim believes the suspect entered her Del Playa residence through an unlocked sliding glass door.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Rio Grande, NM
11:55 a.m. — The Santa Cruz Post Office postmaster said a man was dumping pigeons, both dead and alive, in the dumpster. Police met the suspect at his home and advised him that the Post Office didn’t want any dumping at the dumpster.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

San Jose, CA
Is it me, or does this police blotter read like a script for the Twilight Zone?

• An intoxicated 21-year-old man “who decided to break some trees” was arrested.
• A person was driving recklessly in the parking lot at the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints.
• A resident found bones on the side of her driveway.
• A person in a suspicious vehicle with two others hid his face from a person who observed them.
• A person was sleeping in a truck with something resembling a rifle displayed in the rear window.
• A person at Little River Park told police a dog secured to a tree was pulling so hard it was about to break and that a young child in the same area was throwing dirt at passing cars.
• Six handguns were stolen from a residence by someone who entered through a rear window.
• A parent reported being concerned that a neighbor was taking pictures of his children while they were playing in the yard.
• A man on crutches with black cat in his backpack was reported to be yelling at people passing by the library.

Found in the San Jose Mercury News

Erie County, NY
A Lancaster man was charged with public lewdness on Como Park Boulevard. Police found the man with a pair of boxer shorts around his ankles. The suspect told police he was” getting a tan.”

Found in the Bee News

Medina, OH
Residents reported a man attempting to sell swords door-to-door at 2 p.m. Saturday on Branch Road. Police contacted the man, who said he sells decorative weapons at flea markets and fairs but denied knocking on any doors. He was asked to refrain from bothering residents

Found in the Sun News

Editor: This one’s rated NC-17, folks.
Atlanta, GA
An officer was working undercover on Hollywood Road. He said a woman flagged him down and hopped into his car. “When I stopped, she then asked me if I was them folks [police],” the officer wrote. “Then, [the woman] stated that she would give me ‘head’ and let me cum in her mouth for $30. She went on to state that if I chose not to cum in her mouth, that it would only be $20. [The woman] even went on to state that she would take her teeth out while she performed the act for me.” She was arrested for soliciting sex.

Found in Creative Loafing

Brook Park, OH
A man interested in placing an order for a good time keeps making unwanted, harassing phone calls to McDonald’s female employees.

Found in the News Sun

Bozeman, MT
A door was in the northbound lane of South 19th Avenue. “Some type of animal head” was in the southbound lane of North 19th Avenue.

Found in the Bozeman Daily Chronicle