Small Town Misfit

Tracy, CA
3:59 p.m.: A man on the 2100 block of Wildflower Court reported an ongoing problem of people peeing on his roof.

Found in the Tracy Press

Rio Grande, NM
1:29 p.m. — A Starlighter Loop caller said a man came over to fix his truck and ended up going on a joy ride while he was drunk and wrecked it to where it was undriveable. Española Police transferred her call to another agency.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Goleta Valley, CA
A man returned to his car, parked on San Lorenzo Drive, to find it covered in a thick gel-like substance.

The vandal who poured the gallon of goo on his car remains unknown. However, the victim told authorities, if located, he’d like the vandal prosecuted and fined for damages.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Atlanta, GA
A woman said she rented her house on Farrington Avenue to a 19-year-old man from Conyers. She said he stopped paying the rent, so she sent him a letter about the payments. A few days later, she said, she checked on the house, and discovered the phrase “NTL Bitch Bart” spray-painted on the windows and walls. All of the tenant’s belongings were gone. The woman showed police some writing he did in glitter paint, on the bedroom door, before the living arrangements went bad. “To me, the writing looked very similar,” the officer wrote.

Found in Creative Loafing

San Jose, CA
Is it me, or does this police blotter read like a script for the Twilight Zone?

• An intoxicated 21-year-old man “who decided to break some trees” was arrested.
• A person was driving recklessly in the parking lot at the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints.
• A resident found bones on the side of her driveway.
• A person in a suspicious vehicle with two others hid his face from a person who observed them.
• A person was sleeping in a truck with something resembling a rifle displayed in the rear window.
• A person at Little River Park told police a dog secured to a tree was pulling so hard it was about to break and that a young child in the same area was throwing dirt at passing cars.
• Six handguns were stolen from a residence by someone who entered through a rear window.
• A parent reported being concerned that a neighbor was taking pictures of his children while they were playing in the yard.
• A man on crutches with black cat in his backpack was reported to be yelling at people passing by the library.

Found in the San Jose Mercury News

Grass Valley, CA
10:42 a.m. - A caller said vandals smeared peanut butter on her property at Pleasant Hill Road and suspects it might be a neighbor.

Found in the Union

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Mukilteo, WA
Officers responded for a vehicle driving on the running track. The

officers located the vehicle leaving the school. The officers saw no

obvious damage to the track (but it was dark and covered in snow). The

driver was cited for violating his intermediate license restrictions

and his father came and picked him up.

Found in the Mukilteo Beacon

Mukilteo, WA
Officers contacted three juveniles who were smearing human feces on the exterior doors/windows of the middle school. The juveniles were identified. Arrangements were made with school officials for the juveniles to clean off the feces. The juveniles were then released to parents.

Found in the Mukilteo Beacon

Chaska, MN
A man and his 15-year-old son were in a truck traveling on County Road 140. The father was driving, while his son was hanging out the window, striking mailboxes with a silicone gel wrist support. A witness called the police. Officers located the truck a short time later. A marijuana pipe was found in the father’s possession. He was charged with criminal damage to property, reckless driving, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and possession of drug paraphernalia. The son was charged with criminal damage to property.

Found in the Star-Tribune

Rio Grande, NM
7:51 p.m. — A State Road 571 caller said her son wrecked a car into her other son’s house, then went inside and tried to fight him. Deputies took a report for driving under the influence.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Atlanta, GA
A BALD MAN who weighs about 275 pounds walked into a gas station on Metropolitan Parkway. He pushed a rack out of his way, saying he could not fit. The man asked the store clerk, “Don’t you know muscle when you see it?” The clerk replied, “No, you’re fat.” “Bitch,” the man said. The clerk refused to serve him. So he pushed a rack onto the floor, breaking it. Then, the man got into a white Astro van and left.

Found in Creative Loafing

Goleta Valley, CA
Using cans of spray paint and possibly hand shovels, a group of vandals caused $10,000 in damages at Sandpiper Golf Club. Although damages were quickly repaired, staff reported vandals left behind 60 to 80 holes in the putting greens and messages painted on the links.

At the fourth hole, the messages scrawled on the grass read, “Stolen Chumash Land” and “Genocide is wrong;” at the fifth, “Stop Wasting Water” and “People are Dying of Thirst;” and at hole seventh, “Rich=Lazy Parasites.”

The vandals are wanted on felony charges.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice