Small Town Misfit

Tracy, CA
10:59 a.m.: Someone broke locks off a door and left behind “dirty magazines and feces on the doorstep” on the 500 block of West Eaton Avenue.

Found in the Tracy Press

Chico, CA
6:11 a.m. Suspicious circumstance reported on the 1900 block of East 20th Street. “On Forest (Avenue), three men are pushing a cart with kegs of beer.”

and…

7:36 a.m. Suspicious vehicle reported on the 1400 block of East Avenue. “Two older white males in vehicle circling the campus with a widescreen in the cab. They are playing a pornographic movie.”

Found in the Orion

Brook Park, OH
A frequent customer stole a latex vagina from Rocky Entertainment Emporium on Brookpark Road.

The clerk recognized the customer and went into the back of the store, not suspecting he would take anything. The alarm sounded and the man was gone. Surveillance footage confirmed he had stolen the merchandise.

Found in the News Sun

Atlanta, GA
Two officers were sent to deal with a man who allegedly broke into a car at Piedmont Park. A witness said a man went up to a Chevy SLV and took a hammer out of the truck bed — and then walked away. The man returned, picked up a rock and threw it at the driver’s side window — but the window didn’t break, the witness said. The man slammed the rock again, and the window broke, the witness said.

The man allegedly reached into the car and “took a white pillowcase filled with 47 pairs of women’s underwear and three Cheri porno magazines and then proceeded to walk away from the vehicle,” an officer wrote. Police found the man – still carrying the white pillowcase – on Monroe Drive. The man, age 38, was arrested for entering an auto. “The bag of underwear, magazines and the rock were placed into property as evidence,” the officer wrote.

Found in Creative Loafing

Medina, OH
A neighbor walking with her children at 4:30 p.m. Aug. 14 on Oak Street discovered a large rubber object sticking out of a potted plant in front of a house. The X-rated object was picked up by police and destroyed.

Found in the Medina Sun

Atlanta, GA
At an adult-fantasy store on Cheshire Bridge Road, a clerk said he argued with an unsatisfied customer about a vibrator. He said the female customer wanted to return the vibrator; however, the store has a “no return” policy. He said she got mad and argued with him, and then she left and called him and started arguing again. About 10 minutes later, the clerk heard a loud crash outside the store — his scooter was totaled. (The scooter is worth $2,100.) He said the female customer’s companion called him, laughing, and asked, “How he liked that.” Also, the female customer had signed up for a video membership at the adult-fantasy store, using her Georgia driver’s license. A computer check revealed her address on Todd Road, which is about 10 minutes away from the store, the officer noted. The female customer is 32 years old with brown hair.

Found in Creative Loafing

Atlanta, GA
At about 1 AM, a man called police from his apartment on Peachtree Road. He said a burglar was holding a gun to his head. Police raced to his apartment, where the front door was partially open. The caller was sitting on the sofa, watching a porn video. He wasn’t wearing any pants — or underwear, for that matter. The man said there was no burglar in his apartment, and in fact, he made up the story. Police noticed several crack pipes on the living-room table. The man, 41, went to jail for reporting a fake crime.

Found in Creative Loafing

Durango, CO
7:17 p.m. A woman said a 50-year-old man in a white truck with New Mexico plates threw pornography out of his vehicle at her children in the 300 block of East Fifth Avenue.

Found in the Durango Herald

Savannah, GA
An officer was dispatched to Fernwood Drive after a woman called to say someone had left an X-rated video under her daughters’ window. The woman said she runs a foster home and has several girls of different ages living at the residence, ages 11, 12 and 15.

None of the girls had seen anyone leaving the videos, but the woman said one foster child who recently moved out always complained about a man who constantly made offensive comments to her. One of the other children in the house also reported that the man had made an offensive comment to her.

The woman said the girls woke up several mornings and spotted the man standing at the rear of the residence at the fence. The officer went to the man’s house, directly behind the woman’s. The officer asked the man if he or his family had seen suspicious persons in the area. The man said he hadn’t seen anyone suspicious, but has seen young men in the area.

When the officer asked him about being seen standing behind the victims’ house, he said he puts the trash cans back in the neighbor’s yard after the trash is picked up in order to keep the neighbors from being fined by the city.

The officer logged seven X-rated videos into evidence: Golden High Heels, Red on Top and Wet all Over, Young and White, Ultimate First (Adam and Eve), Beautiful Starlets Who Crave Sex, Adventures of Footman and Lick My Panties. The movies appeared to have been sitting in the weather for a period of time. Each had a price of $19.95 written on them.

Found in Connect Savannah

Palm Beach, FL
On Monday, March 19, cops received a call from a woman who’d returned home to find her apartment with a strong odor of marijuana. After entering her bedroom she found her television on and playing a pornographic movie, as well as, a cigarette butt in her bed. In her kitchen she found a new package of cheese and a package of turkey had been opened. She found a large plastic bag containing smaller bags with marijuana and in a laptop was stolen. The victim suspects a possible suspect is her ex-boyfriend. The officer found the deadbolt was forced open and the evidence was taken in for investigation.

Found in the Weekday Newspaper

Atlanta, GA
A 33-year old man told police that after he was released from Atlanta City Jail, he went to the police property room on North Avenue to pick up his bag. Then, he said, he met a man driving a white Jeep Cherokee, and this man gave him a ride to the Buckhead area. He said this Jeep-driving man picked up two other women along the way, and they were riding around smoking crack. Eventually, the two women were dropped off.

Then, he said, the Jeep-driving man stole his bag, which contained thousands of dollars’ worth of white gold. A police officer went back to the property room and checked the report listing the contents of the man’s bag when he was first arrested: According to that report, the bag contained a shirt and jeans, “Sex in the City” perfume, a bottle of pills and porn tapes. No mention of white gold.

Found in Creative Loafing

Atlanta, GA
Three gunmen held up Starship Enterprises Adult Video at 4872 Memorial Drive in Stone Mountain early Wednesday morning. They took $230 in cash and escaped on foot after restraining two employees with leg irons and fur handcuffs sold in the sex paraphernalia store.

According to a police incident report, three masked men, wearing white T-shirts and jeans, entered the store after midnight. The gunmen began “yelling verbal commands” at Adell Sharp, 20, who was working the front register, and Lydon Blackman, 41, who was in the back of the store sweeping up.

One robber ordered Sharp to get on the floor while he emptied the cash register.

A second robber ordered Sharp and Blackman into the back room where he handcuffed Blackman with a “pair of silver leg irons from the store” to a sink. The gunman bound Sharp with a pair of black fur handcuffs, according to the report.

No one was injured in the robbery, which was captured on a video, according to the police report. The gunmen, who ran away, also stole several portable scales from the store, valued at about $700.

Found in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Thanks SLY!