Small Town Misfit

Clovis, NM
At 7 a.m. Wednesday, a 67-year-old man called police because he said his son punched him in the face when he wouldn’t get out of bed and go to work with him.

He told police his son had been suspended from school and was lying in bed when he pulled the covers from his son’s face. He said his son jumped out of bed and punched him on the chin. The suspect told police he didn’t hit his father.

Police placed the suspect into custody at the Curry County Juvenile Detention Center.

Found in The Clovis News Journal

Champaign, IL
A 46-year-old man was arrested for burglary when he entered the residence of a 23-year-old man Saturday morning at the 200 block of Wright Street. According to a police report, the subject entered the victim’s residence and cooked up several of the victim’s pork chops in spaghetti sauce and then ate them.

Found in The Daily Illini

Nevada County, CA
A caller reported at 4:54 p.m. from the 1400 block of Segeworth Way that he needed assistance with deer mating in a nearby parking lot.

Found in The Union

Kansas City, Missouri

UMKCPD were dispatched to the Twin Oaks Lobby in regards to an assault. Upon arrival, an officer discovered two UMKC police officers kneeling over the suspect who was in custody for the assault. The witness stated that at 5:30am that day the suspect asked for a haircut and hair coloring. During the coloring process the suspect started to scream, “It’s burning!” so the stylist shampooed out the coloring and asked for his money. The suspect then left the salon screaming. The stylist called the Police and asked for help because the suspect was banging and kicking the salon door. When Officers arrived, the suspect said, “Oh no, not you. Get the Fuck away from me!” She approached the Officer and started to strike her about the chest and arms. The officer responded by placing the suspect into handcuffs. A KCPD wagon was called to the scene to transport the belligerent suspect to Metro patrol for booking and bond. She was charged with disorderly conduct, assault on a Police Officer and hindering a Police Officer.

Found in University News

Berkeley, Calif.

Peeper

A 19-year-old woman called police after she spotted a man peer through her bedroom window just before 2 a.m. last Friday.

By the time officers arrived in the 2500 block of Ellsworth Street, all that was left of his presence was a description, to wit, a gray-haired bearded gaper wearing an orange jacket and khaki hat.

Another Peeper

Police were summoned 14 hours later to the 2200 block of Carleton Street, where another 19-year-old woman had spotted a man masturbating. The man had blondish hair and a dark jacket and was toting a bag.

Like the first, he, too, had vanished when the black-and-whites arrived.

Later…

Officers are looking for a man who was spotted masturbating across the street from the Claremont Day Nursery in the 2800 block of Woolsey Street Tuesday.

He was spotted by a pedestrian, who described the fellow as male in his late 30s with dark short hair and a medium to heavy build. He was sitting in a black Ford when spotted. Police have no suspects, in part because the pedestrian didn’t call until a day later, said Officer Okies.

Found in The Berkeley Daily Planet

Fergus Falls, Minn.

Police are trying to determine if a man was telling the truth when he claimed that he was attacked by a man holding a gun Thursday night on the 900 block of East Vernon.

The alleged victim told police that he ran six blocks when attacked, and was able to give a description that the man was wearing a mask.

Police said they did not find anybody out walking in the area who was wearing a mask.

Found in The Fergus Falls Daily Journal

Portsmouth, NH
At 9:33 p.m., police responded to Greenland Road at Ocean Road to check a report of a tractor-trailer truck in which the passenger had a bag over his head. Police spoke to the driver, who was alone and did not have a bag over his head.

Found in Seacoast Online

Boerne, TX

Found in The Boerne Star and Hill Country Recorder

Seacoast, NH
5:27 p.m. A Middle Street caller reported a teenager being disorderly by throwing chocolate pudding on walls and floors. Police found teen gone upon arrival.

Found in Seacoast Online

Nevada City, CA
- At 8:54 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Empire Street reported a transient was urinating in the yard. Police found the 59-year-old man had not taken his medication; the man said he would return home to take it.

- At 12:46 p.m., the man seen urinating on West Empire Street was cited for littering on the 100 block of South Auburn Street.

At 1:51 p.m., the same man was seen urinating on the wall of City Hall. He was cited for having an open container of alcohol.

Found in The Union

TWO WEEKS LATER
At 1:53 p.m., a 55-year-old man who has had repeated run-ins with police, including urinating on City Hall, was arrested for shoplifting at the Grocery Outlet on Sutton Way. He was booked into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility on suspicion of robbery.

Found in The Union

Erie County, NY
A boyfriend was threatening his girlfriend on Wellington and told her he would cover her car in peanut butter and jelly, if she continued to speak to her ex-boyfriend. In an effort to calm the boy down, officers said they would charge him with unlawful use of a condiment with intent to smother. Under medical advisement, he was committed to ECMC.

Found in Bee News

Benton County, AR
At 1:57 p.m. Monday, Lisa Brown, at 9189 Mt. Olive Road, reported there was a crazy goat on the property; the goat was trying to ram everyone and trying to get inside the house through the windows.

Found in the Daily Record