Small Town Misfit

Durango, CO
11:05 p.m. A caller found an onion with a knife through it in the 2100 block of Crestview Drive. Attached to the onion was a picture of the caller’s roommate. The roommate’s name was also written on the back of the onion with a Sharpie.

Found in the Durango Herald

Berea, OH
Police were called to calm down an unruly 8-year-old boy on June 13 because he couldn’t find his Sponge Bob character towel.

The boy bit his mother and hit his father in the face.

Police were able to quickly calm the boy down by talking to him. They told him his behavior wasn’t appropriate, and then advised his parents how to handle future situations.

Found in the Sun News

Lakewood, OH
At 12:45 p.m. on June 15, a man dressed all in black stopped at the BP Express on Madison Avenue, walked up to a pump, inserted his credit card and then began spraying himself with gasoline.

While authorities did not say whether he used unleaded or leaded gasoline, it is certain that his actions made quite a scene.

Found in the Lakewood Sun Post

Grass Valley, CA
At 2:52 p.m., a man called from the 13000 block of North Meadows View Drive to report his neighbors had some type of cannon they had been shooting off for the past couple of days. Deputies responded to the noise disturbance and admonished the parties involved.

Found in The Union

Lincoln, NE
A woman came home to find nine ice cubes and five empty pop cans missing from her home sometime between Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning, according to Lincoln police reports.

The burglars pushed open a window to the woman’s residence in the 2300 block of Washington Street and took the ice and empty cans, said Police Capt. Allen Soukup. The woman only wanted the incident documented and wasn’t requesting officers look for the burglars, who she thought could have been her son’s friends, though she didn’t know their names, Soukup said.

Loss is $2.

“We conduct investigations into all reported offenses,” Soukup said.

Found in the Lincoln Journal Star

Thanks TIKI!

Hanover, NH
Police responded to a reported fight at Thayer Dining Hall. Upon investigation, the police discovered that two male students who had been wrestling over a grilled cheese sandwich. Neither party was intoxicated, or arrested.

Found in the Dartmouth

Hey folks. The site is getting hammered by comment spam, and as a result I’ve installed some anti-spam software. The only problem is, every so often it identifies a legit poster as spam.

If you have this problem, please feel free to contact me and I’ll try to get you off the blacklist. In the meantime, sorry for the inconvenience.

(in particular, leahmarie, robocop, and gdfunkrr are getting swept up. Sorry guys.)

Travis

Ann Arbor, MI
An Ann Arbor couple said they were inside their apartment in the 1500 block of Pauline Boulevard discussing marriage just after midnight. The woman said she wasn’t sure if she was ready, and her boyfriend responded that taking risks is an important part of life, police reports said.

To prove his point, the boyfriend hopped out of the first-floor window on a dare and streaked naked across the street, police said. But before he could cross back to the residence, he noticed a couple walking down the sidewalk, so he hid in the bushes to avoid them, reports said.

The 28-year-old Ann Arbor man who happened to be walking his friend home noticed the bushes rustling and feet underneath, so he pulled out his gun and ordered the naked man out, reports said. The naked man ran, and the chase was on.

The man with the gun, who claimed he was an Army drill sergeant, repeatedly ordered the naked man to the ground as he chased after him, threatening to shoot him, reports said. The gunman then fired off a round, and the naked man hit the ground, causing minor injuries, reports said.

Read more in the Ann Arbor News

Thanks Mike!

Malden, MA
Police are still searching for a makeshift auto body specialist who removed the bumper from a vehicle on a used car lot.

Police received a call from a used car dealer on Eastern Avenue around 9 a.m. on Thursday, June 15. The caller reported that the front bumper had been removed from a late-model Ford Explorer sometime during the previous evening. Police have no suspects in the case.

Found in the Malden Observer

Columbia, SC
An unidentified man took a 12-pack of Icehouse beer to the counter of a One Stop Party Shop on Beltline Boulevard on June 9 and asked how much it cost. When the clerk told him, the man said he didn’t care, as he had court the next day and is “on probation and will be going to prison.” He left with the brew but without paying for it.

Found in the Free Times

Erie County, NY
A woman at a Transit Road restaurant told troopers someone tampered with her car. The investigation revealed it wasn’t the woman’s car; hers was a few parking spaces over.

Found in Bee News

Rio Grande, NM
A woman reported that her Avenida Cañada neighbor’s brother came over, asked if he could use the bathroom, and stole her DVD player. He returned it and no arrests were made.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun