Small Town Misfit

Erie County, NY
An East Bentham Parkway resident reported someone tasted her meatloaf. No evidence of such crime was found.

Found in Bee News

Marblehead, ME
A caller reported a Middle Eastern male walking through the nighborhood around Anchorage Lane at 11:40 AM.

Found in Marblehead Magazine

Lakewood, OH
A Fry Avenue resident apparently had enough of thieves who took a statue off of her front porch. She put a sign on the porch with a message for the culprit. However, a neighbor called police and said there was an offensive banner on the porch that stated the resident put a witchcraft spell on the neighborhood.

Police advised the caller that the sign addressed thieves on private property and the woman was within her rights to display it.

Found in the Lakewood Sun

La Vista, NE
The girlfriend of a fugitive from justice in La Vista, Neb., called in an order for pizza but mistakenly dialed 911, the police emergency number, instead of the pizza joint’s number, which begins with 991.

She hung up when she realized her error, but the cops investigate all hang-ups. They converged on the apartment and nabbed the boyfriend.

Found in the Boston Herald

Thanks Sly!

Delray Beach, FL
An adult mother and son were living in filthy conditions at a home in the 600 block of High Point Drive. The home smelled strongly of cat urine and hamster feces. Police found a large wound on the 400-pound, diabetic man’s chest, possibly from him having his nipple removed. They also found garbage all over the floor, a dirty kitchen, feces on the bathroom floor and dirty needles in the bedroom.

Found in the Palm Beach Post

Grass Valley, CA
At 7:51 p.m., a man called from Oregon Creek at Moonshine Road to report a man left a campground on a motorcycle but did not have a helmet. The caller advised he was psychic and he knew something was very wrong.

Found in the Union

Fariview Park, OH
It was a case mistaken vehicular identity. But, at first, a woman staying with a friend Sunday at the Fairview Village Apartments on Lorain Road thought her car was stolen from the parking lot. Missing was a 1995 Saturn SL2, according to a police report.

About an hour after getting the call about the stolen car, police got a call from a 30-year-old woman who said she thought she was driving the wrong car. She was supposed to be driving her mother’s car _ a 1994 Saturn SL2 _ because her car was in the shop. Her passenger was the first to notice subtle differences between her mother’s car and the car she was driving now. Otherwise, the cars were virtually identical.

Police went to a West 204th Street house to speak to the woman driving the strange car. She, like the first woman who had reported her car stolen, was visiting a friend. And, she, like the first woman, had parked the Saturn in the apartment parking lot _ in a space very close to where the other Saturn was parked.

Of course, police asked how the woman got the strange Saturn’s engine started. She said her mother’s ignition key worked. Police tried their own hand at the key and, sure enough, it worked on both Saturns. The cars were reunited with their rightful drivers and no charges were filed.

Found in the Sun

Carnegie, PA
David P. Sams, 49, of Carnegie, was charged July 11 with public drunkenness and disorderly conduct on Fifth Avenue. On July 12, he and his brother, Dennis, 40, also of the 200 block of Sixth Avenue, were charged with simple assault following a domestic incident. David Sams then was charged also with criminal mischief after being accused of clogging up the commode in his cell with his underwear.

Found in the Post Gazette

Manville, NJ
After stopping a vehicle for going the wrong way on a one-way street near East Camplain Road, police charged a 13-year-old boy, of Angle Avenue, and a 13-year-old girl, of Boesel Avenue, for curfew violations and motor vehicle violations at 2:18 a.m. Aug. 8, according to police.

Police said the 13-year-old was also charged with being an unlicensed driver and failure to wear a seat belt.

They were turned over to their parents after being charged.

Found in the Manville News

South Lyon, MI
South Lyon police were called to Pro Pizza at 10:30 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 10, after witnesses reportedly saw a man urinating in the parking lot.

According to a police report, officers arrived in time to see the man in question drive away from the scene. Police followed the vehicle and witnessed the driver bumping into the curb, the report said.

Police stopped the vehicle, but as an officer approached the driver, the suspect put the vehicle in reverse.

According to the report, the man backed his car into the police cruiser before the officer could get back in and move it out of the way.

The driver was ordered out of the car after the collision. The report said he failed field sobriety tests and registered a blood alcohol content level of .27, more than three times the legal limit.

He was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated and jailed until sober. The vehicle — a new 2006 cruiser — sustained front end damage from the collision.

Found in the Observer

Grass Valley, CA
At 7:14 p.m., a man called from the 16000 block of Annie Drive to report that he found animal feces and a note in his mailbox. The man also stated the incident was part of an ongoing issue with animal feces. He said he put animal feces in a bag and tied it around a dog’s neck. The dog’s owner put the feces in the caller’s mailbox.

Found in the Union

Chetek, WI
10:35 a.m.-[911] Chetek caller wanted to know if there was anything we could do about a mouse in her house. Caller was advised to set a trap. Caller didn’t know if her father-in-law had any. Caller was advised not to call 911 for this type of call and she hung up.

Found in the Chetek Alert