Small Town Misfit

Erie County, NY
Lynnette Court residents reported someone entered a back window, took some beer and left the empty bottles behind. They said it was the second time in a month they had been broken into.

Found in the Bee News

Taos, NM
11:51 a.m. Suspicious person, 326 Randall Lane — There is someone outside of her kitchen door whistling and repeating everything that she says.

Found in the Taos News

Ka Leo O, Hawaii
10:01 p.m. — Hale Mokihana staff members temporarily shut down an elevator after someone urinated in it.

Found in the Ka Leo O Hawaii

Rio Grande, NM
5:19 p.m. — A Calle Pajarito caller advised dispatch a lot of males sodomize each other in Española and that women are sexing each other. She said she did not know how to handle these types of men and did not understand that lifestyle. She advised dispatch it is a big problem in the state of New Mexico. Police arrived to her home and advised her not to call police unless it was an emergency.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Bozeman, MT
A man was upset because a fast-food restaurant forgot to provide him a dressing packet with his salad. When he returned to the restaurant, it had closed. Employees refused to open the drive-through window and give him a dressing packet. They argued. An officer got the man some dressing.

Found in the Bozeman Daily Chronicle

Columbia, SC
Any day is a nice day for a white wedding at Wal-Mart. A 24-year-old woman was at work on Dec. 4 when a co-worker congratulated her on her nuptials. She reported to police that someone had listed her on Wal-Mart’s registry for a wedding that is supposedly taking place April 17. The woman is not engaged and has no plans to get married. Apparently, falsely listing someone on a bridal registry is not a crime.

Found in the Free Times

Atlanta, GA
A 26-year-old female manager of a McDonald’s on Cleveland Avenue notified police that a man has been calling the restaurant and harassing her. According to the manager, the caller said, “My name is Michael Jackson, I have a limousine waiting for you, I watch you all the time, what color panties do you have on, I know you where (sic) glasses, and where is the girl with the missing teeth.”

The manager said the man has been calling for a month. She said she must have served him in the past because he knows what every employee in the store looks like. She doesn’t think the suspect’s real name is Michael Jackson. Police were given a phone number on the caller.

Found in Creative Loafing

Cleveland, OH
Apparently a stripper was the victim of a break-in, losing $3,200 worth of dance clothing, 10 pornographic movies and $1,500 cash. There was no word in police brevity reports whether the cash was all in single dollar bills.

The break-in was reported at 1 a.m. Sunday, in the 4500 block of Pearl Road. The thief or thieves used force to break into the building. A 27-year-old woman was the victim and a resident of that location. Fortunately, there were no injuries. Police are investigating the case.

Found in the Brooklyn Sun Journal

Waynesboro, GA
A man whose scent made officers light-headed was arrested last Tuesday after he demanded they give him more beer.

Carl Davis, 48, of 4286 Quaker Road, Keysville, was arrested for public drunkenness after it was reported that he had been harassing customers at the Jet Food Store on North Liberty Street.

According to a report filed at the Waynesboro Police Department, Davis was advised to leave the premises several times but continued to disturb businesses and tried to stop moving traffic.

After Davis flagged down the same police officer, he was detained and asked to provide basic information about himself. He gave officers three phone numbers that were not his nor associated with him, and officers noted his speech was slurred, his eyes were glazed and bloodshot and he was dirty and reeked of alcohol. The report said officers became light-headed after he had been in their presence.

After Davis asked police for another beer, he was transported to the Burke County Jail. A $375 property bond was posted.

Found in the True Citizen

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Cincinnati, OH
The well-intentioned actions of onlookers at the Remke’s grocery in Newport ended up helping an alleged thief go free, and almost put the security officer on her trail in danger.

The whole affair started with a $3 bottle of shampoo. That’s what Remke’s Loss Prevention Officer Shelby Sebastian told police he saw a short white woman with curly black hair take from the store about 11 a.m. on Dec. 2.

Sebastian followed. But, when he tried to stop the woman, she pitched a very public fit outside the busy store.

“She began to struggle and screamed for help, as if she was being attacked,” the offense report states.

Shoppers saw what they took to be a young woman struggling with a man, screaming for help. Anyone would have sprung to her aid and the bystanders at the Carothers Road grocery that morning were no exception.

“Concerned bystanders grabbed (Officer Sebastian) and allowed the suspect to flee. By the time (Sebastian) was able to explain the situation to the well-meaning, but uninformed bystanders, suspect was getting into her car.”

Determined to get his woman, Sebastian rushed to the woman’s green Pontiac Bonneville where his suspect and two young children were seated. But, as he leaned into the car to detain his suspect, she peeled out of the parking lot.

Though Newport police used license plate information to identify the suspect - whom they believe is from Bellevue - they have been unable to find her.

Sebastian did not return calls about the incident, but police are stilling trying to apprehend that day’s damsel-in-distress-who-wasn’t. And if they do, she will find her petty shampoo theft might end up costing her years in jail if she is convicted of an additional felony charge of wanton endangerment.

Those who mistakenly helped her escape will not be charged, police said.

Found in the NKY.com
Thanks Luann!

Durango, CO
9:37 a.m. A man was sleeping on the couch in a woman’s house in the 800 block of East 32nd Street. She didn’t know who he was, and he wouldn’t wake up.

Found in the Durango Herald

Goleta Valley, CA
After he was contacted mid-stream by authorities for urinating in public, the startled man continued to relieve himself on his pant leg. After urinating on himself during initial contact, the intoxicated subject was asked to sit down. Before looking where he was sitting, the young man, 18, sat in his own urine.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice