Small Town Misfit

Atlanta, GA
A man walked into a convenience store on Lee Street and tried to buy some cigarettes, a clerk said. He wanted to pay with a $200 bill. The store clerk examined the $200 bill and noticed that it had a picture of President George W. Bush on it. The clerk said he refused the sale, and the man left without the bill. The novelty $200 bill was turned in to police as evidence.

Found in Creative Loafing

Golf Manor, OH
A Golf Manor man is behind bars, accused of using a machete Saturday to rob a United Dairy Farmer store.

Victor Shearer, 44, is charged with aggravated robbery, carrying a concealed weapon, obstructing official business and possessing drug paraphernalia.

Police say Shearer, carrying a machete, walked into the store at 6:57 a.m. Saturday and took $44 from the cash register.

Shearer, who police said worked at Frisch’s, appeared to be a prime suspect because when he was found five minutes later, he was passed out and had $44 and a machete on him.

He also had a glass pipe on him when he was arrested.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Durango, CO
10:59 p.m.:A man came to another man’s home in the 2900 block of East Fourth Avenue to try to steal his mini-fridge.

Found in the Durango Herald

Boston College, MA
9:45 a.m. - Officer observes a suspect placing posters in O’Neill Library offering to sell admissions essays. Suspect is identified and escorted off campus with a trespass warning.

Found in the Heights

Cincinnati, OH
A Harrison woman is accused of whomping her husband with a frying pan after he insisted on trying to have sex with her.

Police arrested Cathie R. Walker, 58, and charged her with domestic violence.

Police responded to the Walker home on Northern Dancer Drive at about 11 p.m. Thursday and found Denver L. Walker with a wound from the flying frying pan.

“(Cathie Walker) became angry when the victim refused to have sex with him. (Cathie Walker) threw a measuring cup at the victim and hit the victim with a frying pan causing an injury to his right hand,” the police report said.

Denver Walker signed a temporary protection order to keep his wife away from him but when he got to court today, he said “She’s no threat to me” and withdrew the order.

Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Ted Berry released her on her own recognizance.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Thanks Luann!

Lake Oswego, OR
6:12 p.m. A man who was acting odd, waving and stomping the ground on Jefferson Parkway was suspected of being drunk and possibly smoking marijuana. He was actually just enjoying his scratch off lottery tickets.

Found in the Lake Oswego Review

Grass Valley, CA
At 8:44 a.m., a caller from the 400 block of Factory Street reported a raccoon that was sleeping on her porch was running on the side of the road and she was concerned the raccoon would be injured or run over. An officer advised the woman that raccoons are wild and the police department could not assist.

Found in the Union

Palm Beach, FL
On Tuesday, Jan 30, a man got out of the UPS truck and wrote “Help Me” on the back of the truck then got back in. Police made contact with the driver who said that it was a joke.

Found in the Weekday Newspaper

Erie County, NY
An officer was on Mill Road searching for two brothers with warrants out for their arrest. He spotted one of the suspect’s vehicles and attempted to pull it over, but the driver did not stop. The vehicle pulled into a driveway and one of the suspects exited. He told the officer his license was in his house.

The officer told the suspect he had a warrant for his arrest and to put down his beer and put his hands behind his back. The suspect said, “Let me put my beer inside.” The suspect struggled with the officer, but was placed under arrest. A bag of crack cocaine was found in his pants pocket. Police located the second suspect hiding in a basement cabinet.

Found in the Bee News

Rio Grande, NM
7:20 p.m. — A woman standing in the middle of the road on Calle del Pajarito was hitting children, cussing and throwing things at passing cars, a caller said. Police made contact with the woman to calm her down.

The next day…

6:22 p.m. — A woman who had been reportedly hitting and cussing at children on Calle del Pajarito on Wednesday wanted two families “committed” because they were “provoking their sexual fantasies,” she said. Police made contact with the woman.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Click on over to Creative Loafing. They’ve got a fantastic collection of blotter bests, from $1.99 hookers to posessed chessboards. Here’s a sample:

Atlanta, GA
At Lenox Mall, security guards said a man walked into a department store, grabbed a Girbaud suit, rolled it up and left the store.

A few minutes later, the man walked back into the same store. Now he was wearing the suit that he allegedly just stole. Security guards stopped him. They said the man took off the suit and ripped it up — then he poured ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise on the suit.

Again, the man left the store. This time, security guards caught him.

Found in Creative Loafing

Rio Grande, NM
9:17 a.m. — A SUN reporter backed into another vehicle at the SUN parking lot. Police took a report.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun