Small Town Misfit

Atlanta, GA
Police saw a woman walking out of a vacant house on Mary Street. Water was pouring out the front door of the home, an officer noted. Police searched the woman and found a “still hot to the human touch” crack pipe on her, according to the report. Then they checked out the house. Police noted, “The whole first floor was flooded with water pouring out of the walls because the pipes had been ripped out.” An officer asked the woman if she was scared to smoke in the house — because the house was so waterlogged it might collapse on her. The woman said she wasn’t worried. She was arrested for disorderly conduct. The fire department arrived and turned off the water to the house.

Found in Creative Loafing

Rio Grande, NM
8:30 p.m. — A Calle del Pajarito woman said a man was soliciting sex and using his power. She said they were using the children in the housing area and are somehow involved with the mortuaries.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Rio Grande, NM
5:01 p.m. — A Cadillac Lane caller said she found an ear in her bathtub. She was not sure how it got there.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Chattanooga, TN

Chattanooga Police said Coolidge Park had to be temporarily closed on Friday afternoon due to a large group of unruly youth.

Police said 100-200 youths skipped school and converged on the park in the early afternoon.

Officers said they overran the park so that some people with small children became upset and feared for their safety.

The youths began throwing eggs and balloons at people, the report said.

Police said as officers began to arrive on the scene, the group became even more rowdy. One of the youths was taken into custody.

As the tension escalated, Don Lewis, who oversees Coolidge Park, made the decision to clear the park. Everyone in the park was told to evacuate.

The park reopened later Friday.

Police Chief Freeman Cooper released this statement on Monday afternoon, “It appeared to be a group of seniors from several different high schools skipping class having a balloon fight. When the police got there and told them to leave they cleared the park within minutes.

“One student was taken into custody for throwing eggs at the other students even after police asked him to stop.

“While we don’t condone their skipping school or their choice of activity, it looked like they were there to enjoy the spring-like weather and have some harmless fun. Unfortunately, their great idea became very popular and some 200 kids showed up to throw water balloons.”

Found in the Chattanoogan

Rio Grande, NM
7:45 a.m. — A man at the emergency room said a doctor stuck a finger in his anus and it hurt.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Medina, OH
Thieves reportedly helped themselves to 4,000 feet of copper pipe that was loaded onto a semi-truck Feb. 25. According to Medina police reports, the truck was parked in front of a West Smith Road business. The owner said the pipe was part of a load of pipe was and worth $144,646. The case is under investigation.

Found in the Medina Sun

Adair, OK
A beer keg became an unguided missile. “It might have killed those guys if they hadn’t gone back inside,” Adair Police Chief Albert McKee said.

McKee said a couple of residents had a fire in their back yard They also had an old beer keg. “The intention was to put the keg on the fire and watch the beer spew out,” McKee said. “There’s supposed to be a pop-off valve but they evidently decided it wasn’t going to blow. Well, they went inside about three minutes too early.”

McKee said the explosion, which residents reported from all over the county, cut a 4-inch tree limb off “like it wasn’t there,” and broke out windows in at least three houses.

“There were pieces of those fire bricks (from the patio fire pit) as far as a block and a half away,” McKee said.

McKee speculated the damage was “very minor for what could have happened.” No one was hurt.

Firefighter Trent Peper said all Adair’s firefighters responded to the call. “The cavalry came running,” Peper said. “It was sure interesting, I’ll
say that.”

Found in the CNHI News Service.

Thanks John!

Atlanta, GA
A 33-year old man told police that after he was released from Atlanta City Jail, he went to the police property room on North Avenue to pick up his bag. Then, he said, he met a man driving a white Jeep Cherokee, and this man gave him a ride to the Buckhead area. He said this Jeep-driving man picked up two other women along the way, and they were riding around smoking crack. Eventually, the two women were dropped off.

Then, he said, the Jeep-driving man stole his bag, which contained thousands of dollars’ worth of white gold. A police officer went back to the property room and checked the report listing the contents of the man’s bag when he was first arrested: According to that report, the bag contained a shirt and jeans, “Sex in the City” perfume, a bottle of pills and porn tapes. No mention of white gold.

Found in Creative Loafing

Waynesboro, GA
A Valentine’s Day thief tried to pedal away with more than $100 in merchandise, but the helium balloons that trailed him were spotted by police several blocks away.

According to a report filed at the Waynesboro Police Department, Norris Washington, 43, allegedly helped himself to two valentine bear baskets and a Bratz doll that were inside a florist delivery vehicle.

He nearly made his getaway on bicycle, but as he was turning onto Quaker Road, the helium-filled balloons caught the eye of Sgt. Mary Bennett who was three or four blocks away.

Washington abandoned his Valentine’s loot and ran, but police found him holed up in a vacant house on West Ninth Street.

Washington was charged with entering an auto and willfully obstructing or hindering a law enforcement officer.

Found in the True Citizen

Columbia, SC
A 23-year-old woman reported Feb. 27 that a man had been sleeping and attempting to “set up house” in a home she is renovating on Clark Street. When police arrived the man had locked himself in the residence and refused to leave. Once police got the man to exit the place, they discovered that he had entered the house by breaking a back window. More alarming was that the man had marked his territory by leaving a trail of feces behind. This act of poop might have been in response to the lady changing all the locks on the squatter after she had asked him to leave the premises.

Found in the Free Times

Missoula, MT
Two students were playing with a Nerf ball in a dorm room on the second floor of Elrod Hall. The ball hit and activated the sprinkler head in the room, causing a small flood, Taylor said. The sprinklers discharge up to 30 gallons of water per minute, he said.

Found in the Montana Kaimin

Charlotte, NC
At a certain Morehead Street bar, a 22-year-old Chapel Hill man sustained an injury from an employee of the establishment — surprisingly, not from a bouncer or bartender clocking him upside the head. According to the report, “The man received an injury to his tooth while watching a female dance on a pole.” Both he and the dancer stated it was an accident and no criminal intent was involved. The fact that he still filed a report must be charity to this Blotter writer.

Found in Creative Loafing