Small Town Misfit

Goleta Valley, CA
With the assistance of law enforcement, Twentieth Century Fox is looking for culprits who entered a Goleta theater and stole two movie reels valued at $5,000. Concerned that the film, “The Fantastic Four; Rise of the Silver Surfer,” could be copied and sold illegally, authorities are tracking the burglars who entered the theater lobby and took the movies that were awaiting pickup by a transport company.

The theater manager witnessed the suspects enter the lobby just after midnight, grab the film canisters, and run out the door into a getaway vehicle. The manager was unable to copy down the complete license plate number before the vehicle sped out of the Marketplace Drive area.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Grass Valley, CA
A 5:24 p.m. a caller from the 900 block of Sutton Way advised that radiation was burning her alive.

Found in the Union

Grass Valley, CA
A 6:17 a.m. caller from the 18000 block of Norlene Way reported their vehicle was wrapped in plastic wrap.

Found in the Union

Tununak, AK
Two young men were arrested in Tununak for a drunken four-wheeler rampage involving a shotgun August 1. The men, ages 18 and 19, were drunk and firing a shotgun while they rode around the village on the ATV. They also pointed the gun at several people and used it to steal money and — you guessed it — more ammunition from a store. They also attempted to break into another store by shooting the lock off. It took several people to wrestle with them and place them in custody. One of them used a paperclip to unlock the handcuffs and escaped. The men were arrested the next day, however, when troopers showed up.

Found in the Anchorage Press

Waynesboro, GA
A Gough woman called deputies after her children became targets in an ongoing family feud.

According to a report filed at the Burke County Sheriff’s Office, the children were sitting in the bed of a parked pick-up outside their home when a woman allegedly crossed the highway and pretended she was going to ram them.

All of the children jumped out except for one girl who told deputies the oncoming truck was going so fast, she was afraid to move. The girl went on to say that when the driver got close, she “swooped in” like she was going to hit them, then swooped back out again. The kids said the woman went by them so fast, she nearly overturned when she tried to make a turn.

Deputies told the mother how to obtain a warrant.

Found in the True Citizen

Atlanta, GA
At about 1 AM, a man called police from his apartment on Peachtree Road. He said a burglar was holding a gun to his head. Police raced to his apartment, where the front door was partially open. The caller was sitting on the sofa, watching a porn video. He wasn’t wearing any pants — or underwear, for that matter. The man said there was no burglar in his apartment, and in fact, he made up the story. Police noticed several crack pipes on the living-room table. The man, 41, went to jail for reporting a fake crime.

Found in Creative Loafing

Erie County, NY
A patrol responded to a report of a loud party on Forestall Lane. Upon his arrival, the officer heard a bang and saw a vehicle up against a Dumpster. The vehicle backed up and then pulled forward, striking the Dumpster again. When attempting to recite the alphabet, the driver got to G, but then mixed up the letters. He tried again, but continued to confuse the letters until finally he got to T and said, “Oh, you know.”

And…

A patrol stopped a vehicle after observing it weaving and turning into the oncoming lane of traffic on Seneca Street. There was an odor of alcoholic beverage emanating from the driver. He said he drank a couple of beers. The officer asked the driver to recite the alphabet, and the suspect said “A,” then “T” and started laughing.

Found in the Bee News

Columbia, SC
A 73-year-old man said that when he returned to his home on July 31 someone had painted his front door purple!

Found in the Free Times

Palmer, AK
A 40-year-old Palmer man was arrested for threatening his neighbor August 7, troopers said. While troopers were at the scene of the incident, the man, who’d apparently been drinking all day, challenged his neighbor to a gunfight. Troopers found a Browning bolt-action .375-caliber rifle and ammunition near the open back door. The man was arrested for disorderly conduct and misconduct involving a weapon.

Found in the Anchorage Press

Oakley, OH
A 48-year-old Oakley man who police identified by DNA in the blood he left behind at three burglaries scenes told a judge Wednesday he was in the wrong business.

“Apparently breaking and entering is not an occupation I should have,” said Kurt Sprowl.

Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Melba Marsh agreed and sentenced him to spend two years in prison after Sprowl pleaded guilty to a burglary charge.

Sprowl broke into three buildings – two in August 2006 and one in March, each time leaving blood behind after cutting himself during the break in, prosecutors said.

His DNA was collected and entered into a statewide database, but there were no matches found and the crimes remain unsolved.

In the meantime, Sprowl was arrested in late August 2006 on a separate breaking and entering charge and ordered Oct. 11 to spend six months in prison.

That conviction set off a series of events that lead to Sprowl’s arrest, court officials said.

The conviction meant Sprowl was required to turn over a sample of his DNA, which was entered into the database. That showed Sprowl’s DNA was the same as the DNA from the blood left behind at the crime scenes.

Sprowl was released from prison before the match was made, allowing for the March break-in. He was re-arrested on the new charges June 11.

Found in the Cincinnati Enquirer

Grayson County, OK
“I always wanted to fly a plane” — Deputy Rodney Campbell was sent to a call involving the unauthorized use of an airplane Saturday. Lt. David Hawley, working from Campbell’s report, said someone gave Campbell the description of a man who took a white airplane at the Tanglewood airstrip. Campbell saw the plane nose down and a man matching the given description nearby, who he questioned. The suspect stated, Hawley said, that he was driving by and saw the plane on the runway. He found the keys inside and always wanted to fly one. He started the plane and was doing figure-eights on the grass when the plane took a nose dive into the ground.

Campbell arrested the 32-year-old Denison man on a charge of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. He remains incarcerated in lieu of $1,500 bail.

Found in the Herald Democrat

Erie County, NY
A welfare check was requested on Island Park on Main Street for a middle aged man that was on the ground moaning. He was practicing yoga.

Found in the Bee News