Small Town Misfit

Atlanta, GA
At a restaurant on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway, a waitress said she was cleaning a table when a plastic creamer hit her face. She believed a customer threw the plastic creamer at her. A police officer arrived and noted that the waitress used abrasive and abusive language toward him. The officer asked: “What do you want done about the situation?” The waitress said she wanted an apology and for the officer to do his job. The officer wrote, “I asked her if she was injured from the creamer and if she needed an ambulance. She stated, ‘Don’t patronize me. No, I don’t need an ambulance.’”

The customer, a 38-year-old man, admitted that he tossed the creamer in the waitress’s direction, but he didn’t mean to hit her. The officer asked him to apologize to the waitress, and he did. But the waitress wouldn’t accept his apology. She said the officer needed to do his job, “unless I need to call another officer to do it for you.” So the officer called for backup.

Two witnesses said they saw the customer throw the creamer at the waitress, and they had asked him: “Why did you do that?” They said he replied: “Just total aggravation.”

The backup police arrived. According to the officer’s report, the restaurant manager and police heard restaurant employees “trying to make the dispute and the resolution of the dispute into a racial issue.”

The customer was charged with disorderly conduct and taken to jail.

Found in Creative Loafing

Huntington Beach, CA
A caller reported at 8:50 p.m. Saturday that two women were “throwing televisions” or computers and beating them with a “police officer stick” in the 6200 block of Warner Avenue.

One woman, who was wearing only an orange shirt and underwear, “kept pulling down her bottoms.” The other woman was wearing an orange shirt, a black “cape,” an orange boa and deer antlers on her head.

Police responded and found that the women were trying to smash their own television and that no crime had been committed.

Found in the Orange County Register

Rio Grande, NM
1:28 a.m. — A caller said her next door neighbor only listens to Arabic music and is possibly involved in terrorist activity. She said she left the house because of the music and now had gotten her truck stuck in the mud of an arroyo. Police told her that the neighbor was not breaking any laws.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Tacoma, WA
A Tacoma, Washington man was recently charged with numerous hunting violations for a May 2006 illegal bear hunt near Ketchikan, troopers said. The man, along with six others, videotaped the hunt with the intention of editing it and selling copies. Here’s the problem: The tape shows them violating state game laws, including taking big game from a boat and taking black bear at an illegal bait site.

In fact, making the video itself is a crime, because the U.S. Forest Service requires permits for commercially produced videos filmed on Forest Service land. Wildlife troopers, Forest Service agents and Washington Game and Fish officers seized two black bears and several thousand DVDs packaged for sale, troopers said. They also found a stolen vehicle in the man’s garage and unedited tapes that showed more hunting violations.

Found in the Anchorage Press

St Michael, AK
A stray rocket from the ’50s turned up near the village of St. Michael July 30. Alaska Army National Guard workers were conducting research in the area when a 58-year-old St. Michael resident contacted them. He said that about 10 years ago he found an M29A2 training rocket — and still had it. The warhead on the rocket was inert, but the propellant was still intact. Department of Defense workers traveled to St. Michael to dispose of the rocket, troopers said.

Found in the Anchorage Press

Goleta Valley, CA
A San Marcos Road resident contacted authorities when a man wearing only boxer shorts and a brown T-shirt wandered into her back yard. Making contact with the mumbling intruder, the resident quickly realized the young man was hallucinating. Leading him back to her driveway, she gave the disoriented man a glass of water, and waited for law enforcement to arrive on the scene.

Continually exhibiting bizarre behavior and talking to himself, the male was transported to the station for questioning and drug testing. Unable to stay focused, the young man was reminded to urinate in the cup. However, instead of urinating, the man lifted the cup in an attempt to drink from the empty beaker.

Throughout the interview, it was noted in the report, the subject continually puffed on an imaginary cigarette.

After a painstaking dialogue, the 18-year-old, who admitted smoking “laced marijuana” at a party the night prior, was arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Goleta Valley, CA
A package stamped “return to sender” was delivered to the correct name and address of the supposed sender; however, when the Goleta dentist opened the unfamiliar package, he found 26 grams of marijuana. Clearly not something he had sent, the dentist called authorities to investigate.

It appeared the mysterious sender had used the dentist’s name and address to send the pot through the U.S. Postal Service to an addressee in Minnesota, but forgot to include the zip code. So the package was returned to the ostensible sender.

With the marijuana and packaging booked as evidence, the report was filed as a suspicious circumstance.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Boston, MA
An intoxicated 20-year-old male student walked into his roommate’s bedroom in West Village A, urinated in his closet and returned to his own bed. He will be reported to the Office of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution.

Found in the Northeastern News

Campbell, CA
Bowers Avenue and Kifer Road, Aug. 3 A woman ran into a light pole while attempting to text message was arrested and charged with driving under the influence.

Found in the San Jose Mercurty News

Provo, UT
A woman called Orem police to report that she had e-mailed naked pictures of herself to a man she met online, but the pictures were then sent to her ex-husband and employer.

Found in the Daily Herald

Erie County, NY
A woman reportedly parked her vehicle on Hamilton Road overnight and when she returned, it had been covered in marshmallow fluff, bologna and mustard.

Found in the Bee News Blotter

Goleta Valley, CA
Acting peculiarly, a young man, 18, continued to walk in and out of the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department main station. When contacted, the suspicious subject was unable to provide his own name to authorities nor did he know where he was.

Noting dilated pupils, deputies suspected the man to be under the influence of a controlled substance. When asked to perform a routine urine test, the subject replied, “All pee is dirty.”

After his arrest, during a search of his property, deputies found a form indicating he’d been released from jail the day prior.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice