Small Town Misfit

Atlanta, GA
At the intersection of Metropolitan Parkway and Ralph David Abernathy Boulevard, a 19-year-old woman said a man in a red pickup truck pressed his exposed penis against the driver’s side window of his car. She said she drove away — and the pickup truck followed her. She said at each traffic light, the man exposed himself. She found two Clark Atlanta University police officers and they stopped him.

An Atlanta Police Department officer interviewed the man, a 33-year-old from Roswell who was wearing spandex tights. The woman said he pulled down the spandex each time to expose himself. The man’s pants were on the seat next to him. The officer asked: “Did you show your penis to this woman?” The man replied that he showed his leg to her only because he heard American women like legs. Also, he said he only followed her because he needs a wife. He was arrested for indecent exposure.

Found in Creative Loafing

Goleta Valley, CA
During his appearance at the Santa Barbara Superior Courthouse for an unrelated matter, a 34-year-old man was arrested for grand theft of personal property. During a court recess, the San Bernadino resident slipped out with the victim’s brief case in tow. Aside from paperwork, inside the case were also an antique Rolex watch and over $100 in cash.

Recalling the suspicious behavior of the talkative suspect, a courthouse officer confronted the man once the courtroom was back in session. Shortly after questioning, the man admitted guilt and returned the stolen briefcase. The money and timepiece, however, remain missing.
The subject was arrested and transported to jail.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Columbia, SC
On Sept. 15, a 52-year-old woman reported that someone entered her home and cooked and consumed five hotdogs from her fridge. The scoundrel also ate half a bag of ginger snaps! When the woman entered the house the back door was open and the microwave was on with two more hotdogs inside. Nothing else seemed to be disturbed.

Found in the Free Times

Pilot Station, AK
A stolen handgun
Reappears all wrapped up in
A plastic baggie.

— Monica Bradbury

Found in the Anchorage Press

Goleta Valley, CA
It wasn’t until after the intoxicated male, 25, accepted a ride from an unknown driver that he realized his predicament. Admittedly drunk, the man recalls jumping into a vehicle on State Street, believing it to be a taxi, and requesting a ride home. However, when the driver failed to take the correct exit, the passenger became concerned.

In a husky voice, the male driver — whom the passenger had thought was a woman — said, “No,” and continued driving northbound on Hwy 101.

When the passenger decided to call 9-1-1, the driver, believed to have been a male transvestite in a “black, curly-haired wig” — became enraged. The driver, now wanted for battery with serious injury, opened the car door and kicked the victim to the asphalt from the moving vehicle.

After an unsuccessful attempt to flag down help from the roadside at 2:30 a.m., the victim explained to deputies how he fell asleep in the center divider until morning. At dawn, another driver came to his rescue.

Because of injuries suffered in the fall, a medical emergency crew was called to transport the victim to Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital.

Due to the inebriated state of the victim, he had difficulty recalling details of the previous evening. Required to stay in the hospital for bleeding on the brain, the victim also suffered a broken ankle and deep abrasions to his backside.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Erie County, NY
A white male with gray hair filled two plastic bags with various merchandise at Rite-Aid on Seneca Street and fled without paying. The stolen merchandise included skin care products, an electric razor, two at-home cocaine drug tests, two bottles of Advil and 11 packages of razor blades.

Found in the Bee News Blotter

Erie County, NY
A Lexington Green man befriended a woman who called herself “Jasmine” while at a bar on Elmwood Avenue. He brought her home and the two were talking and having beers when she offered to make him a mixed drink. She prepared the drink and then reportedly kept nagging him to “guzzle it down.” He finished the drink and passed out within 15 minutes. When he awoke around 10 the next morning, he found the following items missing from his residence: a laptop computer, cell phone, CD player, Coach watch and hooded sweatshirt.

Found in the Bee News

Chadron, NE
8:27 p.m. Caller from the 400 block of North Mears advised there was a skunk on her front porch eating cat food. Caller requesting an officer.

Found in the Chadron Record

Brunswick, OH
An 89-year-old Fernwood Drive woman called police Sept. 12 after a man who represented himself as a city employee stole $600 from her checking account.

The woman told police the man, who claimed to work for the city of Brunswick, showed up at her door Aug. 31 and told her the city would be willing to perform some work on her driveway for the nominal fee of $6. The woman told police she handed the man a signed check, but left the rest blank for the man to fill out. The man then told her the city would be back in a few days to do the job.

When nobody returned to do the work as promised, the woman checked her bank statement and discovered that the check she’d written had been cashed for $600.

Police say the man was not a city employee, but are attempting to determine his identity.

Found in the Brunswick Sun Times

Brook Park, OH
A frequent customer stole a latex vagina from Rocky Entertainment Emporium on Brookpark Road.

The clerk recognized the customer and went into the back of the store, not suspecting he would take anything. The alarm sounded and the man was gone. Surveillance footage confirmed he had stolen the merchandise.

Found in the News Sun

Strongsville, OH
Someone claiming to be from a charity is harassing residents here, saying trucks will be coming to take all their furniture.

A resident on Woodside Crossing got a call Sept. 10 from someone claiming to be from Purple Heart Veterans. The woman’s daughter called police to say her mother was very upset by the alleged representative, who said the charity would be coming to take all her furniture.

Police called the charity and left a message saying the woman did not request a pick-up.

But the same thing happened again Sunday to a woman on Lymans Lane. This time, a resident received multiple calls from someone claiming to be from Purple Heart, saying they would be coming at 7:30 a.m. to pick up her furniture.

The woman told the caller when they came, she’d have a police officer there with her. An investigation is continuing.

Found in the Sun Star

Newport, CA
A resident reported a suspect broke into her home in the 2200 block of Margaret Drive Saturday through a skylight. The suspect reportedly placed flowers throughout the house and wrote three notes to the resident

The suspect left with a kitchen window screen worth $50.

Found in the Orange County Register