Small Town Misfit

Flathead County, MT
11:27 a.m. A worried man called the Sheriff’s Department because he received some obscene pictures on his cell phone. Later he found out his buddy had sent them so he was OK with it.

Found in the Beacon

Chattanooga, TN
Police said a Forest Highland Circle man called and said his private part had just been amputated “by an unknown person.”

Responding officers said they found Erik Matthew Berkes walking a few blocks from his home.

They said he was bleeding from his genital area. He was conscious, but not able to respond.

He was taken by ambulance to Erlanger Medical Center.

At his residence, police found the door wide open. The “crime scene” was found to be the bathroom. Officers found bloody towels and rags in the bathtub.

Police said four of the victim’s five roommates were asleep “and unaware of what had happened.”

The other roommate had gone to work earlier.

Police were going to try to interview the victim to try to get more information.

Found in the Chattanoogan

Atlanta, GA
A female officer was working undercover on Memorial Drive. A man got out of a Comcast truck and approached her, she reported. According to the undercover officer, the man offered to give her free DSL, cable and Internet, plus $40, in exchange for “head” and “pussy.” The man, age 22, was arrested for soliciting illegal sex. He was wearing a uniform, she noted.

Found in Creative Loafing

Denton, TX
Denton County Sheriff’s dep uties are looking for three men who stole eight shuffleboard pucks and threw one of them through the side of a house.

The owner of a bar in the 9000 block of Industrial Road in the Justin area reported that three men she didn’t know came into the bar about 10:40 a.m. Thurs day and began playing shuffleboard. They ordered drinks and began throwing the shuffleboard pucks extremely hard down the board, according to the report.

The bartender told the men to throw the pucks with less force, the owner said. The men left. But the owner discovered they had taken eight pucks with them.

That night, a homeowner in the 2100 block of Boss Range Road in the Justin area reported he heard a loud noise and a shuffleboard puck came crashing through the outer wall of his house. The victim said the puck flew across a baby’s room and struck the other wall, damaging that wall as well. The baby was not in the room at the time, according to the sheriff’s report.

The homeowner reported he looked outside and saw an old pickup truck leaving the area.

Found in the Denton Record-Chronicle

Columbia, SC
Two men were engaged in a conversation about church and religion on the late afternoon of Oct. 6 when one of them asserted that the church was all about the “Benjamins” (money) and that he was hurt by the church because of this greedy little fact. He then asked the other man to prove that he was not about money and give him his ATM card and PIN. The victim complied (perhaps believing this to be a test of God). The man told the victim that he would not use the card, but return the next day (Sunday) and attend church with him. Psyche! The victim reported that $400 was withdrawn from his account at a Bi-Lo at 3900 North Main St. (right next door) at about 6 p.m. Lesson learned: God will never test you by asking you for your ATM card.

Found in the Free Times

Lake Forest, CA
12:56 p.m. Eight men were reportedly gambling with pennies on Whisler Drive and Orange Avenue.

Found in the Orange County Regsiter

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Fort Collins, CO
Call of a streaker in Clark A101. Male with nothing but nimble feet and a gas mask. We didn’t find the male, nor any gas.

Found in the Rocky Mountain Collegian

Rio Grande, NM
• 10:09 p.m. — A police officer pulled a car over at an Española car wash because he knew the driver had an active bench warrant out of Española Municipal Court. When the officer approached the car he observed a “blue and purple glass smoking pipe also known as a bong” in plain view behind the driver’s seat. The driver said that he used it for smoking marijuana, but said that was the only contraband in the vehicle.

The officer found “a gas mask with another pipe attached to the end of the hose” in the back seat of the car. At that point dispatch advised the officer that there was a recall on the warrant, making it invalid. The officer found a baggy full of an unspecified quantity of a green leafy substance believed to be marijuana and arrested the man, who claimed the drugs and paraphernalia belonged to a friend, according to the police report.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Rio Grande, NM
7:30 a.m. — A James Thompson Lane caller reported his washer and dryer were stolen out of his garage. He said he suspected one of his employees did it because the man started to laugh when the caller asked his staff about the burglary. The case was closed pending further information.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Durango, CO
7:46 p.m. Someone reported that something very strange was happening at Pizza Hut, 3677 Main Ave., but the caller could not give details.

Found in the Durango Herald

North Olmsted, OH
Forget throwing tomatoes. A 52-year-old Maplehurst Road man figured the best way to settle a neighborly dispute was to throw rotten bananas at his neighbor’s window at 12:55 a.m. Sunday. The neighbor, a 46-year-old male, did not press charges. According to reports, the neighbors have a history of arguing.

Found in the Sun News