Small Town Misfit

Atlanta, GA
A mother-son fight broke out on Santa Barbara Drive. When an officer arrived, a man was sitting in the driveway, with a bottle of “Old Irish” in his hand. He appeared extremely drunk, the officer noted. The 74-year-old mother said her son got mad at her and flattened the tires on her green Honda Accord. The son’s comments confirmed her story. “My mama wouldn’t let me in the house and I flattened the car tires,” the son said. He was charged with damaging private property and went to jail. The son is 49 years old – and according to the police report, he still lives with his mom.

Found in Creative Loafing

Redwood City, CA
4:56 a.m. March 31 A man exposed himself to a woman who took a photograph to use as evidence.

Found in the Mercury News

Durango, CO
A man was selling burritos and tacos door-to-door in Berndt Hall without a business license

Found in the Durango Herald

Los Alimitos, CA
Police received a call at 5:57 a.m. on Saturday from the 5100 block of Kearsarge Avenue regarding suspicious circumstances. A naked man in his 20s knocked on the caller’s door. He was wearing no clothes whatsoever.

The caller said he did not let the man in. His neighbor had a party the night before and the caller said he thought the naked man could have been from there, according to police reports.
Police arrived on scene and found the man in a back yard. After counseling with him, the naked man said he would comply.

Found in the Orange County Register

Kalispell, MT
4:01 p.m. A Columbia Falls man reported that while he was out seeding his lawn his neighbor’s chickens came over began eating the seeds. Deputies talked to the neighbor who said he would contain the chickens.

Found in the Flathead Beacon

Rio Grande, NM
7:51 p.m. — A State Road 571 caller said her son wrecked a car into her other son’s house, then went inside and tried to fight him. Deputies took a report for driving under the influence.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Rio Grande, NM
1:09 a.m. — A Trujillo Loop caller said a 16- or 17-year-old male ran from him for no reason near Johnny’s Auto Parts. The man called a second time to report the teenager was behind Lovin Oven looking for his shoe, and the caller told him that should be all he is looking for.

The caller said he would keep an eye on the teen because he didn’t trust him. Police didn’t make any arrests since no one committed a crime.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Jeffco, CO
A Jefferson County Sheriff’s deputy was sent to the Golden Panda Restaurant, 7470 S. Pierce St. at 3:30 March 14 on a report of a disturbance. A woman at the restaurant told the deputy she had gone to the bathroom and when she returned her table had been cleared off and her cell phone was missing.

While the deputy was talking to the woman, she started emptying her pockets and lifted her shirt, revealing a white sports bra with a cell phone held between her breasts. When the deputy tried to ask her about the phone the woman grabbed her children, screamed, “You’ll hear from my lawyer,” went outside and drove off in a gold van with the front hubcap missing. The deputy followed the woman outside, but could not get a license number from the van.

The deputy spoke to the restaurant owners who said they both saw the woman place the phone in her bra while standing in the bar area. The deputy told the owners to call the sheriff’s office if the woman returned.

Found in the Jeffco Sheriff’s Blotter

Chattanooga, TN
A clerk at the Kangaroo Express on Dallas Road said a white male drove up in an older mid-size pickup truck with a loud exhaust. The man - described as about 35 years old, 6′3″ and 180 pounds - came in the store.

He picked up three cases of Bud Lite beer and walked to the door without paying.

Before departing, he told the clerk, “I’m going to have a good time tonight.”

Found in the Chattanoogan

Waynesboro, GA
Burke County residents reported property damage from the hooves and snouts of wayward livestock.

Last Thursday, an Eagle Pass Road resident told officers her neighbor’s pigs kept getting loose and coming into her yard. During the latest escape, they destroyed her garden and rooted up her flowers.

The day prior, a Maple Lane man had trouble with his neighbor’s goat. According to the deputy’s report, the man recorded video footage of the goat climbing on top of his vehicle and walking around.

The deputy noted that the man’s car had indeed been scratched and was also littered with goat hair.

Found in the True Citizen

Waynesboro, GA
In unrelated incidents, two local women learned that someone else had already used their social security numbers to file taxes.

In one case, a woman with the same name in a neighboring town had reportedly been using the wrong number every year since 2004.

The third resident called police last week when she tried to file her taxes and learned someone had already claimed both her and her son as dependents.

The victim told police both social security cards were stolen from her purse earlier this year.

Found in the True Citizen

Atlanta, GA
A BALD MAN who weighs about 275 pounds walked into a gas station on Metropolitan Parkway. He pushed a rack out of his way, saying he could not fit. The man asked the store clerk, “Don’t you know muscle when you see it?” The clerk replied, “No, you’re fat.” “Bitch,” the man said. The clerk refused to serve him. So he pushed a rack onto the floor, breaking it. Then, the man got into a white Astro van and left.

Found in Creative Loafing