Small Town Misfit

Rio Grande, NM
Monday, June 4, 2007, 1:30 p.m. - A caller advised there were invisible poisoned balls being pushed up against his body. The caller said the suspect is the federal government and this had been going on for the last 10 years, but now the balls were emitting poison. The caller advised that these balls are radio transponders and each of them has a different poison. No report was taken.

Found in the Rio Grande Sun

Goleta Valley, CA
Roommates of an out-of-control man contacted authorities around midnight recently after they were unable to subdue their bat-swinging, knife-wielding friend. On the scene, deputies met the subject, a 20-year-old UCSB student, in the bathroom of his Del Playa Drive residence.
“I just wanted to have fun,” remarked the subject who was bleeding from his hands and feet.

While investigating the odd-behaving male, deputies found in his possession two pills adorned with a picture of Buddha. The pills, suspected Ecstasy tablets, were confiscated and booked as evidence. And the young man was arrested for possession of the controlled substance.

Found in the Goleta Valley Voice

Grass Valley, CA
At 11:24 p.m., a woman called the sheriff’s office from the 11000 block of Bandolier Way reporting that a large bear keeps entering her house. She said the bear took the screen off her window and came in.

Found in the Union

Grass Valley, CA
7:54 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported that a 19-year-old man was trapped in concrete.

Found in the Union

Grass Valley, CA
A man from the 14000 block of Gracie Way called the Nevada County Sheriff’s Office at 7:38 p.m. Monday and reported suspicious activities near his property the night before. He said several juveniles, wearing make-up like clowns, were running around with what looked like guns.

Found in the Union

Grass Valley, CA

6:33 p.m. - A 911 caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported a neighbor who stopped each load of laundry in the washer and dryer.

Found in the Union

Atlanta, GA
Around 2 a.m., police spotted a naked man screaming on Auburn Avenue. The man “was exposing his penis and buttocks and shaking,” an officer wrote. The naked man yelled, “Help! Get the snake out of my pants. Help!” The officer said he tried to calm the man. “There was not a snake in his pants, so I ordered him to put his clothes back on,” the officer wrote. The man, age 37, was arrested for public indecency.

Found in Creative Loafing

Charleston, SC
Officers responded to a call complaining of a loud pool party on Center Street in Folly Beach on July 6, according to a public safety report.

When officers arrived, they found five people around the pool and two men in it, one of whom was nude.

The naked 26-year-old man was asked to get out of the pool and get dressed. He had trouble standing when he got out, put on a towel and said with slurred speech that he was not nude, reports say.

The man was issued a ticket for disorderly conduct and was given a court date.

Found in the Post and Courier

Charleston, SC
A man apparently wanted to re-enact a scene from “Baywatch” at Folly Beach on July 3.

According to a public safety report, a 25-year-old man took a lifeguard board used for water rescues from a lifeguard post in front of the Folly Beach Holiday Inn. He then ran into the water with it, despite several lifeguards yelling for him to stop.

They went into the water and chased him, but the man got off the surfboard and swam away. Reporting officers arrived just as the man returned to the Holiday Inn.

The man said, “It was all a joke,” and that he was trying to impress some girls. Officers told him that he was putting other people’s lives in danger if lifeguards needed the board to rescue a person in distress.

The man was charged with petit larceny.

Found in the Post and Courier